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  1. #1
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    Aug 2007
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    Dealing with Narcissistic Family

    Anyone else have to deal with this **** ?

    I consider my mom to have been a good mother growing up, but as soon as I moved out and started becoming my own person she has become unbearable. Wouldn't be surprised if permanent no contact is the ultimate solution unfortunately

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  2. #2
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    I have a lot of "family" members I have severed contact with due to being tired of dealing with their ****. Parents are a hard one to do. you can limit your interactions but, imo, I wouldn't completly cut her off. I think you might end up regretting it if you do.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by PackerBum9786 View Post
    I have a lot of "family" members I have severed contact with due to being tired of dealing with their ****. Parents are a hard one to do. you can limit your interactions but, imo, I wouldn't completly cut her off. I think you might end up regretting it if you do.
    Unfortunately she's been horrible to me - and my wife and has manipulated my brother /sister/dad to the point where they won't talk to me UNLESS I talk to her. She has done the same thing to me/wife with my aunts, and multiple family friends. It's a pattern.

    It's definitely tougher if it's your mom, no doubt , but since she doesn't respect boundaries and doesn't learn, I'm not sure she'll ever get to a point where she is safe to be around.


    We're going to have a baby in the next year+ and it's even crossed our mind that if something happens to me, my mom would do whatever she can to take the baby from my wife.

    Not quite to NC yet, because I want my dad, brother, sister to be a part of my life.


    I've even realized our life would be better if my parents were divorced - my mom would lose her control of the household and we'd be able to build relationships with everyone again.



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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by blams View Post
    Unfortunately she's been horrible to me - and my wife and has manipulated my brother /sister/dad to the point where they won't talk to me UNLESS I talk to her. She has done the same thing to me/wife with my aunts, and multiple family friends. It's a pattern.

    It's definitely tougher if it's your mom, no doubt , but since she doesn't respect boundaries and doesn't learn, I'm not sure she'll ever get to a point where she is safe to be around.


    We're going to have a baby in the next year+ and it's even crossed our mind that if something happens to me, my mom would do whatever she can to take the baby from my wife.

    Not quite to NC yet, because I want my dad, brother, sister to be a part of my life.


    I've even realized our life would be better if my parents were divorced - my mom would lose her control of the household and we'd be able to build relationships with everyone again.



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    I'm not a lawyer and I don't play one on tv but, I'm pretty sure there is nothing your mom could do to take the child away from your wife. I think the only way is some how convincing CPS your wife is abusing your child. again not a lawyer, don't play one on tv but, I don't think I would worry about that part.

    I understand what you are talking about. my mom's mom was one of those grandparents that had her favorites and if you weren't one of her favorites you were pretty much nothing and the rest of the family would follow suit. I was one of those that was not a favorite and that is why at this point in my life have almost nothing to do with the majority of my mom's family. Sad to say I have kind of seen my mom turn into that in a way.

    Like I said what I would do is just limit contact. talk to her. maybe even have a good old fashion blow up and yell at her and see if that would wake her up and I would even thrown in the part where she keeps alienating you she is going to be missing out on her future grandkids. sometimes that can wake someone up.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by PackerBum9786 View Post
    I'm not a lawyer and I don't play one on tv but, I'm pretty sure there is nothing your mom could do to take the child away from your wife. I think the only way is some how convincing CPS your wife is abusing your child. again not a lawyer, don't play one on tv but, I don't think I would worry about that part.

    I understand what you are talking about. my mom's mom was one of those grandparents that had her favorites and if you weren't one of her favorites you were pretty much nothing and the rest of the family would follow suit. I was one of those that was not a favorite and that is why at this point in my life have almost nothing to do with the majority of my mom's family. Sad to say I have kind of seen my mom turn into that in a way.

    Like I said what I would do is just limit contact. talk to her. maybe even have a good old fashion blow up and yell at her and see if that would wake her up and I would even thrown in the part where she keeps alienating you she is going to be missing out on her future grandkids. sometimes that can wake someone up.
    She loves those blow ups - it fuels her. I can't get involved in those anymore. It's too much.

    On my end it's simply reactive abuse, but it's what she's looking for.


    Then she pulls you in and gets you to do what she wants or she'll shut you out.

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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by blams View Post
    She loves those blow ups - it fuels her. I can't get involved in those anymore. It's too much.

    On my end it's simply reactive abuse, but it's what she's looking for.


    Then she pulls you in and gets you to do what she wants or she'll shut you out.

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    then if she loves the blow ups here is what you do. you get her in a tizzy and have her blow up but you just stay calm cool and collect and when she goes to take a breath you just say "are you done yet?" and you just keep it going. eventually you just have to turn it into a game for you, I love doing that ****. but, if you don't want to be an ******* like me, just as I said before limit contact but, don't completly sever all ties.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by PackerBum9786 View Post
    then if she loves the blow ups here is what you do. you get her in a tizzy and have her blow up but you just stay calm cool and collect and when she goes to take a breath you just say "are you done yet?" and you just keep it going. eventually you just have to turn it into a game for you, I love doing that ****. but, if you don't want to be an ******* like me, just as I said before limit contact but, don't completly sever all ties.
    It's doable for some people but some people are too toxic and actually keeping ties is harmful. It has to do with the enablers she has around her that makes it even more unbearable


    I'm hoping it doesn't come to no contact, I've been using family of origin therapy for years to deal with insanity and with narcissistic people cutting off is the last resort but quite often necessary.

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  8. #8
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    My Dad is a narcissist, big time. He was a great Dad growing up, but as adults, we just don't have much to talk about.

    I suggest sticking to the subjects you know will work, and not spending too much time at once with them, as it's much easier to overlook what bothers us if we just have smaller exposure to it. Under no circumstance would I bring it up, as you likely know it will just cause them to push you away.

    If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love.

  9. #9
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    My Mother-In-Law is essentially the female version of BOP, so I feel you Blams. Like Hawkeye alluded to, we just stick to topics that we know she can't turn into a political argument with everyone (believe me she tries to turn EVERYTHING into politics, but we just change the subject quickly as best as we can), because she's always just itching to.

    My wife is her punching bag very often and has expressed similar thoughts to what you have here about just cutting her out. Unfortunately she's great with the kids (when she's not pushing political agendas on them, who are 7 and 10) and always wants to be around them which increases the chances of the blow-ups.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pierzynski4Prez View Post
    My Mother-In-Law is essentially the female version of BOP, so I feel you Blams. Like Hawkeye alluded to, we just stick to topics that we know she can't turn into a political argument with everyone (believe me she tries to turn EVERYTHING into politics, but we just change the subject quickly as best as we can), because she's always just itching to.

    My wife is her punching bag very often and has expressed similar thoughts to what you have here about just cutting her out. Unfortunately she's great with the kids (when she's not pushing political agendas on them, who are 7 and 10) and always wants to be around them which increases the chances of the blow-ups.
    dear god I am soooooo sorry for you. I don't do this often but, I would so give you a hug right now.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by PackerBum9786 View Post
    dear god I am soooooo sorry for you. I don't do this often but, I would so give you a hug right now.


    But really it's sad to see, she's been pretty much exiled from all of her friend groups because she can't resist turning everything in her life into something political and hatred for the Liberals. She's in her 70s, but still takes care of my wife's brother (who's 35 with down syndrome) and even has him at every family gathering yelling about Joe Biden.

  12. #12
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    Feb 2021
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    It's all interesting from a psychological point of view. Before I start dating, I want to know everything about a person. This helps me to avoid the above-mentioned problems in the future. I met my husband at https://taimi.com/us-dating/tennesse...in/transgender a year ago. I can't say that everything between us is perfect and fabulous. Every family has problems. But I am happy that I will get the support and love I need when I need it.

  13. #13
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    Jan 2021
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    A couple of months ago I discovered another website that talked in depth about this topic. I am glad you were able to shed some light on whatís really happening out there. Some websites are overtly biased toward things like this. Where do you think the industry is going in response to this? play snake

  14. #14
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    Jan 2019
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    Not sure this is the same but still a **** family situation.

    My beautiful Mother passed away 5 month ago from cancer, my amazing father passed 11 years ago from the same as did my beautiful sister 2 years ago, (not a sob story just the back ground)

    My late sister was helping my mum with her finances prior to her passing and when she passed the other twit of a sister took over, anyway my parents werenít rich but well off and in a position that retirement would never be an issue, since the twit took over (2 year span) over 200k disappeared from her account (Australian $) prior to this there investments covered all expensive including holiday, which by the way stopped because couldnít afford them 😡 Mums cancer was a brain cancer that advanced like dementia so I see it as elder abouse and it ****ing disgusting 🤢 this has all only come out with the estate being finalised and Iím beside myself with it.

    Iím in an extremely lucky and comfortable situation myself and can provide anything needed for my family and we very comfortable and well off, but I think my sister needs to be held accountable for her actions as Iíve spoke with her and basically been told to **** off, the money has been transferred straight to her account over a period of time in an excavated way over time, what are your thoughts on my actions on this?

    I run a successful business and have spoken off record to my solicitor and itís pretty black and white

  15. #15
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    Jan 2019
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    I do apologize for the rant

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