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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    LA
    Posts
    45,617

    Smush Parker is shaping the world

    http://theclassical.org/articles/whe...aved-the-world


    "What happens if we lose?"

    The captain shrugged his shoulders. "It could be bad, the government needs FAGE to stay viable, or the whole country collapses." He paused. "Disaster," he finally said, looking down.

    We were not only playing for the possibility of a paycheck, but to prevent the collapse of a nation's economy—and possibly that of much of Europe—by rescuing a government-backed, shadow-funded, international Greek yogurt company.

    "So maybe you better work on your jump shot a little bit this week," our Croatian small forward chimed in from the other side of the room.



    Not that we needed it, at least early on. Smush, who had his own problems, had threatened to leave Greece for good the day before if he wasn’t paid. Iraklis, realizing their only hope of survival—and of preserving the jobs of those associated with the team—was to keep their star happy, scrambled to come up with some of the few thousand euros they owed him, then promised him the rest of the money if he stayed one more game.

    Smush had gained about 20 pounds since his Lakers days, and moved more like a king-sized waterbed than the svelte, athletic guard I remembered. In the first half, he played as if he was wearing a newly pressed wedding suit which he wanted to keep absolutely free of sweat. He walked the ball up the court, clanked thoughtless 30 footers off the side of the rim, played defense with the energy of an elderly housecat, evaded all contact and rarely mustered so much as a jog from one end of the floor to the other. At one point I caught him covering his mouth to avoid yawning during a break in the action. A part of me wanted to feel disrespected by his nonchalance. After all, we were practicing and playing as if our lives depended on it—as if the entire EU economy depended on it—in front of desperate and possibly violent fans that simply could not accept a loss.


    And Iraklis needed Smush Parker, a lot. Weight gain or no, he was by far the best player on his team, and any chance to beat us rested on his shoulders. There was a sort of bitter satire to the moment: the man who cared the least and had the least to lose seemed to have the most control over the outcome, while those screaming their lungs out in the stands or protesting in Syntagma Square for a slightly better life, were largely ignored by the elite. At halftime we were comfortably in charge.
    WTF is this real life?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    5,558
    haha

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Sin City Raiders
    Posts
    54,822
    Smash.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    29,977
    smushy ****ing parker is a joke. the fact that he's a captain is a bigger joke.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    2,858
    and he's by far the best player on that team?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Bi-Winning. I win here and I win there.
    Posts
    8,300
    Is this like that show Fringe and an article from a parallel universe?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    The 6
    Posts
    25,030
    so confused with this .. lol in so many ways

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    In a crib
    Posts
    34,160
    Smush is fat now?? haha wow he put on 20 pounds since the laker days.. That guy is a joke. He's the best player on his team because he's probably playing in a city league against 40 year old fat guys

    Your baby can't do this

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    4,147
    Lmfao

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    11,674
    I really wanted to know if captain Smush saved the yogurt company. Talk about a cliff-hanger!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Syracuse, NY
    Posts
    26,653
    Quote Originally Posted by DreamShaker View Post
    I really wanted to know if captain Smush saved the yogurt company. Talk about a cliff-hanger!
    I know, right???

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    6,021
    Wtf did i just read

    JUSTISE FOR MIAMI

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    6,021
    #freetheyogurt

    JUSTISE FOR MIAMI

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Nuevo Mexico
    Posts
    3,730
    Ssad to say i read it. here's a summary from what i understand. smush was playing against the Tran that needed to win to save the free world. smush was far superior than everyone but didn't care or try. smush ****ed the first half thus giving the world hope. he came out on fire in the second half and brought fear to all but he was so good that he sucked all the energy from the city. when the lights came back, he sucked again, there by preserving humanity through his apathy
    "Ask not what your teammates can do for you. Ask what you can do for your teammates"
    Magic Johnson

    "Lets get down to brass tax here. How much for the Ape?" http://youtube.com/watch?v=Zm7r491n-8o

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    4,150
    da fuq??? is this a segment from a comic book? about SMUSH PARKER??!!

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