View Full Version : Smush Parker is shaping the world

02-06-2013, 02:04 AM

"What happens if we lose?"

The captain shrugged his shoulders. "It could be bad, the government needs FAGE to stay viable, or the whole country collapses." He paused. "Disaster," he finally said, looking down.

We were not only playing for the possibility of a paycheck, but to prevent the collapse of a nation's economy—and possibly that of much of Europe—by rescuing a government-backed, shadow-funded, international Greek yogurt company.

"So maybe you better work on your jump shot a little bit this week," our Croatian small forward chimed in from the other side of the room.

Not that we needed it, at least early on. Smush, who had his own problems, had threatened to leave Greece for good the day before if he wasn’t paid. Iraklis, realizing their only hope of survival—and of preserving the jobs of those associated with the team—was to keep their star happy, scrambled to come up with some of the few thousand euros they owed him, then promised him the rest of the money if he stayed one more game.

Smush had gained about 20 :facepalm: pounds since his Lakers days, and moved more like a king-sized waterbed than the svelte, athletic guard I remembered. In the first half, he played as if he was wearing a newly pressed wedding suit which he wanted to keep absolutely free of sweat. He walked the ball up the court, clanked thoughtless 30 footers off the side of the rim, played defense with the energy of an elderly housecat, evaded all contact and rarely mustered so much as a jog from one end of the floor to the other. At one point I caught him covering his mouth to avoid yawning during a break in the action. A part of me wanted to feel disrespected by his nonchalance. After all, we were practicing and playing as if our lives depended on it—as if the entire EU economy depended on it—in front of desperate and possibly violent fans that simply could not accept a loss.

And Iraklis needed Smush Parker, a lot. Weight gain or no, he was by far the best player on his team, and any chance to beat us rested on his shoulders. There was a sort of bitter satire to the moment: the man who cared the least and had the least to lose seemed to have the most control over the outcome, while those screaming their lungs out in the stands or protesting in Syntagma Square for a slightly better life, were largely ignored by the elite. At halftime we were comfortably in charge.

WTF is this real life?

02-06-2013, 02:09 AM

02-06-2013, 02:10 AM

02-06-2013, 02:11 AM
smushy ****ing parker is a joke. the fact that he's a captain is a bigger joke.

02-06-2013, 02:47 AM
and he's by far the best player on that team?

02-06-2013, 02:47 AM
Is this like that show Fringe and an article from a parallel universe?

02-06-2013, 03:20 AM
so confused with this .. lol in so many ways

02-06-2013, 03:47 AM
Smush is fat now?? haha wow he put on 20 pounds since the laker days.. That guy is a joke. He's the best player on his team because he's probably playing in a city league against 40 year old fat guys

02-06-2013, 05:11 AM

02-06-2013, 11:12 AM
I really wanted to know if captain Smush saved the yogurt company. Talk about a cliff-hanger!

02-06-2013, 11:23 AM
I really wanted to know if captain Smush saved the yogurt company. Talk about a cliff-hanger!

I know, right???

02-06-2013, 11:42 AM
Wtf did i just read

02-06-2013, 11:42 AM

02-06-2013, 12:40 PM
Ssad to say i read it. here's a summary from what i understand. smush was playing against the Tran that needed to win to save the free world. smush was far superior than everyone but didn't care or try. smush ****ed the first half thus giving the world hope. he came out on fire in the second half and brought fear to all but he was so good that he sucked all the energy from the city. when the lights came back, he sucked again, there by preserving humanity through his apathy

02-06-2013, 12:54 PM
da fuq??? is this a segment from a comic book? about SMUSH PARKER??!!

02-06-2013, 02:27 PM
I think I know how this one ends. It turns out the yogurt company was failing because Smush Parker was secretly eating all the yogurt.

02-06-2013, 02:27 PM
I don't quite know how to react to this, I'm tickled, scared, a bit pissed, and just dumbfounded all in one. How do things like this come to be?

02-06-2013, 02:58 PM
Is this like that show Fringe and an article from a parallel universe?

Nope. He's the same mess in both universes :)

02-06-2013, 05:22 PM
LOL classic. He was always better than Kobe