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View Full Version : Farewell Kobe B.B. Gun



TheHoopsProphet
01-16-2012, 08:27 PM
I still remember the first and only time I saw Kobe B.B. Gun play basketball in person. He was as tall as a building, and as fast as a cheetah. For some reason he was lollygagging around Germany during the summer of 1999, and playing a pick-up game on the court amongst an impromptu gathering crowd. He blew by everyone like a bowling ball, like the bowling ball of luscious hair which sat ablaze amongst his sexy, manly goatee face.

After the game, doused in sweat and just-out-of-high-school girls, he was signing autographs, smiling and laughing and just being the cool, hopeful, aspiring guy ubiquitous in any other 21 year old guy. The next five minutes were a blur. I just remember standing there watching him in awe, with my jaw locked open as if preparing to take in all the juicy glory that was Kobe B.B. Gun, and before I knew it I was right in front of him as he was signing my Sprite poster I had of him doing a reverse dunk on some abandoned playground. But I managed to utter out these words;

"Never change, Mr. B.B!"

He smiled and said some detached clutter of words inaudible to my memory, but I was sure my words stuck to him every night before he went to sleep for the rest of his career.

But then he married some music video whore and destroyed my dream of him plowing my sister once she aged into a woman. And then he got rid of his bowling ball hair, and shaved off his goatee. Then he started yelling "surprise!" to girls before having sex with them. And then he and The Big South Beach broke up their championship core because Shaqalicious' ego was ready to burst through his belly.

And what seemed to be overnight, Kobe B.B. Gun's metamorphosis corroded his personality into this monotone, jaded, Bill Bellichek-bootleg rip-off of a human being.

Kobe B.B. Gun went from this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj6BrdFKghs


to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15vJGOtj7uc



Subdued from being painted as the antagonistic figure in the media, his energy and optimism quickly turned into cynicism and aholeism. And though that new-found philosophy and anger turned into a 35ppg season, it gradually faded with the realization of never being able to reach to gravitas of The Space Jam Savior, in spite of their strikingly similar skill-set and passions (both on the court and in the bedroom). And all of those smiles he gave to the media, all of the peace signs he gave to the fans, all of the handing presents out during all-star weekend, all of the "defer-to-teamates" attempts he made in recent years corroded with that realization, and emitting from the deepest core of what makes Kobe B.B., Kobe B.B. - a selfish prick that craved admiration through any means necessary. And after years of that predisposition trying to crawl and dig out of his veins into the tip of his shooting fingers, it finally came out this season, like the eruption of a volcano, with the beautiful flying embers sizzling through the adjacent village people.

No longer does he give effort to his defense the way he gives effort to trying to shoot out of double teams. The work-ethic touted by the media on him is now non-existent (especially on defense), and the will to drive to the basket is all but dead. His FG attempts is at a career high at 25.1 a game next to his 35 ppg season at 27 fga, while his 3p% is at a career low at a .254 clip while still chucking over 4 of them a game. So though his 25 fga is still a full two shots below 05-06, he has utilized most of them as posted fade away 18 footers and outside jumpers. He has in a word, gotten lazy.

Lazy, not in a sense, that he doesn't care to win or skip a work-out (though he has begun to skip scrimmages and practices now more then ever much like the infamous Cornrows McGee guy from Philly), but lazy in a sense where he has let his sense of entitlement belittle his sense of basketball intuition. He doesn't play hard on D, because he's Kobe. He doesn't need to give the ball to Bynum because he has Two Finals MVPs to Bynum's Zero. He settles for the 3 because he has accrued so many ridiculous crowd-awing shots from behind the arc, that he deserves to go for it, even if it does clank it, it is bound to go in eventually.

In pursuit of his scoring title versus the betterment of the team, Mr. B.B. has become Captain Ahab in Moby Dick, in pursuit of the evasive white beast of a whale (his scoring title) while putting the rest of his mates in jeopardy.

With his career at its twilight, for him to pull this charade, one must wonder if it is truly about winning for Mr B.B. this season. One must wonder if it ever was truly about winning for Mr. B.B. His drive to win championships is still there, but he's on the wrong road. The road he's always been on, "Win, only if I'm the reason we win", and has never been as pure as Bill Russel's drive or Bill Walton or Magic Johnson or Larry Bird.

Perhaps he should retire after this season, as things don't look good for this new Jim Buss epoch. If he doesn't he will expose himself as an athlete who cared more about his individual accolades over his interest to win ball games. Bowling Ball-Head sexy Kobe was long dead after the Three-Peat, and now it appears Basketballing Confucius Zen Rational Win Games Kobe is dead too, it just hasn't been realized yet. And if he stays out there on the court like this, it will get ugly. As The Joker from Batman once said, "You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villian."

It will be difficult to see the B.B. clank and rattle his way to eclipse the 30,000 mark while his ego pushes him away from his pursuit of his 6th championship.

R.i.p. 2008-11 Colby B.B.

Goodnight sweet prince.

MackShock
01-16-2012, 08:35 PM
uh.....

what?

bmd1101
01-16-2012, 08:36 PM
uh.....

what?

I think the tags fit.

Hawkeye15
01-16-2012, 08:41 PM
you are the best writer of all time Hoops haha

LAKERMANIA
01-16-2012, 08:45 PM
:laugh2:

"Then he started yelling "surprise!" to girls before having sex with them."

5ass
01-16-2012, 08:48 PM
only hoopsprophet can diss kobe without laker fans jumping all over him lol
always enjoy reading ur posts man, very funny.

John Walls Era
01-16-2012, 08:48 PM
:laugh: Can't wait to read it when I get home.

BallIsAll
01-16-2012, 08:49 PM
haha not this guy again

b_russ
01-16-2012, 08:49 PM
Perfect. And for those who don't understand. (http://i.imgur.com/Ysb9q.gif)

rasajr23
01-16-2012, 08:52 PM
So what your really saying is... You wouldn't allow Kobe to do your sister??

Jenceman
01-16-2012, 09:02 PM
The one thing I would say is Kobe has been playing better defensively. He's moving around alot better period.

MackShock
01-16-2012, 09:06 PM
I think the tags fit.

this.

Lakeshow24KB
01-16-2012, 09:14 PM
Lololol

Sactown
01-16-2012, 09:23 PM
Greatest post ever perhaps?

NBAfan4life
01-16-2012, 09:35 PM
I disagree with your post but was fun to read none the less.

blastmasta26
01-16-2012, 10:29 PM
:laugh: Love the OP.

iFYouSeekAmy
01-16-2012, 10:59 PM
1. TheHoopsProphet
2. CousinEvansDuo

gbpackers12
01-16-2012, 11:06 PM
I look forward to reading his stuff. :laugh2: That's sad.

Geargo Wallace
01-16-2012, 11:36 PM
the greatest poster of our generation - TheHoopsProphet.

I love you :love:

J4KOP99
01-16-2012, 11:40 PM
Classic Hoops Prophet right here... keep 'em coming. I've been laughing a lot on PSD tonight. Mainly due to crooner.

blastmasta26
01-16-2012, 11:44 PM
1. TheHoopsProphet
2. CousinEvansDuo
Both are on opposite sides of the intentional humor line.

Sadds The Gr8
01-17-2012, 12:35 AM
HoopsProphet should be promoted to mod status.

Geargo Wallace
01-17-2012, 12:38 AM
HoopsProphet should be promoted to God status.

This. He's basically the PSD equivalent of Jesus. He came here to die for our posting sins. Hence the tags.

Sadds The Gr8
01-17-2012, 12:40 AM
This. He's basically the PSD equivalent of Jesus. He came here to die for our posting sins. Hence the tags.

yes, even better.

Geargo Wallace
01-17-2012, 12:45 AM
yes, even better.

There's substantial evidence of TheHoopsProphet's miracles.

gangis2169
01-17-2012, 12:46 AM
Thank you we are all now dumber for reading this thread! This is the stupidest s**t I have ever seen. Hands down dumbest most idiotic post of the new year!

John Walls Era
01-17-2012, 12:50 AM
thank you we are all now dumber for reading this thread! This is the stupidest s**t i have ever seen. Hands down dumbest most idiotic post of the new year!

umad?

tredigs
01-17-2012, 12:51 AM
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll17icwiV71qcnhhzo1_r1_500.gif

koberulesall
01-17-2012, 12:53 AM
u have a interview of him on teen choice awards and then an interview with him during the finals....which one would you be more serious in???? ****ing dip **** get a life quit sucking michael jordans balls you ****ing prick

Geargo Wallace
01-17-2012, 12:54 AM
Thank you we are all now dumber for reading this thread! This is the stupidest s**t I have ever seen. Hands down dumbest most idiotic post of the new year!

This means so much coming from one of the biggest Kobe dickriders on PSD.

Ill21
01-17-2012, 12:54 AM
Epic

John Walls Era
01-17-2012, 12:54 AM
This means so much coming from one of the biggest Kobe dickriders on PSD.

ooooooooo

Sadds The Gr8
01-17-2012, 12:58 AM
Thank you we are all now dumber for reading this thread! This is the stupidest s**t I have ever seen. Hands down dumbest most idiotic post of the new year!
u mad bruh?

airforceones25
01-17-2012, 01:00 AM
"he married some music video whore and destroyed my dream of him plowing my sister once she aged into a woman"


:laugh:

Greet
01-17-2012, 01:00 AM
This was ****ing awesome. I love this.

John Walls Era
01-17-2012, 01:01 AM
u mad bruh?

and jelly.

Geargo Wallace
01-17-2012, 01:03 AM
and jelly.

then don't watch.

THE GIPPER
01-17-2012, 01:03 AM
He actually made some very good points

chitownbears89
01-17-2012, 01:07 AM
It was good. Although I think you tried to too hard, too many similes. Also I feel like you forced that Roman Virtue in there. It just doesn't fit. Overall though good job.

John Walls Era
01-17-2012, 01:12 AM
then don't watch.

:pity: Not me.

PrettyBoyJ
01-17-2012, 01:25 AM
I still remember the first and only time I saw Kobe B.B. Gun play basketball in person. He was as tall as a building, and as fast as a cheetah. For some reason he was lollygagging around Germany during the summer of 1999, and playing a pick-up game on the court amongst an impromptu gathering crowd. He blew by everyone like a bowling ball, like the bowling ball of luscious hair which sat ablaze amongst his sexy, manly goatee face.

After the game, doused in sweat and just-out-of-high-school girls, he was signing autographs, smiling and laughing and just being the cool, hopeful, aspiring guy ubiquitous in any other 21 year old guy. The next five minutes were a blur. I just remember standing there watching him in awe, with my jaw locked open as if preparing to take in all the juicy glory that was Kobe B.B. Gun, and before I knew it I was right in front of him as he was signing my Sprite poster I had of him doing a reverse dunk on some abandoned playground. But I managed to utter out these words;

"Never change, Mr. B.B!"

He smiled and said some detached clutter of words inaudible to my memory, but I was sure my words stuck to him every night before he went to sleep for the rest of his career.

But then he married some music video whore and destroyed my dream of him plowing my sister once she aged into a woman. And then he got rid of his bowling ball hair, and shaved off his goatee. Then he started yelling "surprise!" to girls before having sex with them. And then he and The Big South Beach broke up their championship core because Shaqalicious' ego was ready to burst through his belly.

And what seemed to be overnight, Kobe B.B. Gun's metamorphosis corroded his personality into this monotone, jaded, Bill Bellichek-bootleg rip-off of a human being.

Kobe B.B. Gun went from this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj6BrdFKghs


to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15vJGOtj7uc



Subdued from being painted as the antagonistic figure in the media, his energy and optimism quickly turned into cynicism and aholeism. And though that new-found philosophy and anger turned into a 35ppg season, it gradually faded with the realization of never being able to reach to gravitas of The Space Jam Savior, in spite of their strikingly similar skill-set and passions (both on the court and in the bedroom). And all of those smiles he gave to the media, all of the peace signs he gave to the fans, all of the handing presents out during all-star weekend, all of the "defer-to-teamates" attempts he made in recent years corroded with that realization, and emitting from the deepest core of what makes Kobe B.B., Kobe B.B. - a selfish prick that craved admiration through any means necessary. And after years of that predisposition trying to crawl and dig out of his veins into the tip of his shooting fingers, it finally came out this season, like the eruption of a volcano, with the beautiful flying embers sizzling through the adjacent village people.

No longer does he give effort to his defense the way he gives effort to trying to shoot out of double teams. The work-ethic touted by the media on him is now non-existent (especially on defense), and the will to drive to the basket is all but dead. His FG attempts is at a career high at 25.1 a game next to his 35 ppg season at 27 fga, while his 3p% is at a career low at a .254 clip while still chucking over 4 of them a game. So though his 25 fga is still a full two shots below 05-06, he has utilized most of them as posted fade away 18 footers and outside jumpers. He has in a word, gotten lazy.

Lazy, not in a sense, that he doesn't care to win or skip a work-out (though he has begun to skip scrimmages and practices now more then ever much like the infamous Cornrows McGee guy from Philly), but lazy in a sense where he has let his sense of entitlement belittle his sense of basketball intuition. He doesn't play hard on D, because he's Kobe. He doesn't need to give the ball to Bynum because he has Two Finals MVPs to Bynum's Zero. He settles for the 3 because he has accrued so many ridiculous crowd-awing shots from behind the arc, that he deserves to go for it, even if it does clank it, it is bound to go in eventually.

In pursuit of his scoring title versus the betterment of the team, Mr. B.B. has become Captain Ahab in Moby Dick, in pursuit of the evasive white beast of a whale (his scoring title) while putting the rest of his mates in jeopardy.

With his career at its twilight, for him to pull this charade, one must wonder if it is truly about winning for Mr B.B. this season. One must wonder if it ever was truly about winning for Mr. B.B. His drive to win championships is still there, but he's on the wrong road. The road he's always been on, "Win, only if I'm the reason we win", and has never been as pure as Bill Russel's drive or Bill Walton or Magic Johnson or Larry Bird.

Perhaps he should retire after this season, as things don't look good for this new Jim Buss epoch. If he doesn't he will expose himself as an athlete who cared more about his individual accolades over his interest to win ball games. Bowling Ball-Head sexy Kobe was long dead after the Three-Peat, and now it appears Basketballing Confucius Zen Rational Win Games Kobe is dead too, it just hasn't been realized yet. And if he stays out there on the court like this, it will get ugly. As The Joker from Batman once said, "You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villian."

It will be difficult to see the B.B. clank and rattle his way to eclipse the 30,000 mark while his ego pushes him away from his pursuit of his 6th championship.

R.i.p. 2008-11 Colby B.B.

Goodnight sweet prince.


Lmfaoooo

yanksrock
01-17-2012, 01:25 AM
Forget the points he makes, this is some epic writing! I wish hoops writes a book. That was truly fascinating.

Imagine somebody writing on a public forum that he wishes somebody plowed his sister and gets away with it. The only way that happens if it done in an epic way. Kudos to this post.

As far as the black mamba goes; he's unbelievably selfish this year no doubt, but who can question his will to win?

blastmasta26
01-17-2012, 01:31 AM
Seriously though, great writing mixed in with some raunchy humor is something HoopsProphet has been infusing in his threads consistently. It's a shame some homers can't understand him lol.

DerekRE_3
01-17-2012, 05:01 AM
1. TheHoopsProphet
2. CousinEvansDuo

Don't put these guys in the same novel, let alone the same list.

TheHoopsProphet ***** all over CousinsEvansDuo.

JNA17
01-17-2012, 05:53 AM
TheHoopsProphet, I hated how people here loved Tim Tebow and compared that sucker to jesus, but if more people compared you to Jesus, then I would never object those claims.

You are, without a shadow of a doubt, the most interesting man on PSD. Oh, and please, don't give him mod status like that title means anything. TheHoopsProphet deserves much better then that. Give the guy ****ing admin status already.

Monta is beast
01-17-2012, 05:59 AM
What just happened?

USMCLaker
01-17-2012, 07:33 AM
I still remember the first and only time I saw Kobe B.B. Gun play basketball in person. He was as tall as a building, and as fast as a cheetah. For some reason he was lollygagging around Germany during the summer of 1999, and playing a pick-up game on the court amongst an impromptu gathering crowd. He blew by everyone like a bowling ball, like the bowling ball of luscious hair which sat ablaze amongst his sexy, manly goatee face.

After the game, doused in sweat and just-out-of-high-school girls, he was signing autographs, smiling and laughing and just being the cool, hopeful, aspiring guy ubiquitous in any other 21 year old guy. The next five minutes were a blur. I just remember standing there watching him in awe, with my jaw locked open as if preparing to take in all the juicy glory that was Kobe B.B. Gun, and before I knew it I was right in front of him as he was signing my Sprite poster I had of him doing a reverse dunk on some abandoned playground. But I managed to utter out these words;

"Never change, Mr. B.B!"

He smiled and said some detached clutter of words inaudible to my memory, but I was sure my words stuck to him every night before he went to sleep for the rest of his career.

But then he married some music video whore and destroyed my dream of him plowing my sister once she aged into a woman. And then he got rid of his bowling ball hair, and shaved off his goatee. Then he started yelling "surprise!" to girls before having sex with them. And then he and The Big South Beach broke up their championship core because Shaqalicious' ego was ready to burst through his belly.

And what seemed to be overnight, Kobe B.B. Gun's metamorphosis corroded his personality into this monotone, jaded, Bill Bellichek-bootleg rip-off of a human being.

Kobe B.B. Gun went from this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj6BrdFKghs


to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15vJGOtj7uc



Subdued from being painted as the antagonistic figure in the media, his energy and optimism quickly turned into cynicism and aholeism. And though that new-found philosophy and anger turned into a 35ppg season, it gradually faded with the realization of never being able to reach to gravitas of The Space Jam Savior, in spite of their strikingly similar skill-set and passions (both on the court and in the bedroom). And all of those smiles he gave to the media, all of the peace signs he gave to the fans, all of the handing presents out during all-star weekend, all of the "defer-to-teamates" attempts he made in recent years corroded with that realization, and emitting from the deepest core of what makes Kobe B.B., Kobe B.B. - a selfish prick that craved admiration through any means necessary. And after years of that predisposition trying to crawl and dig out of his veins into the tip of his shooting fingers, it finally came out this season, like the eruption of a volcano, with the beautiful flying embers sizzling through the adjacent village people.

No longer does he give effort to his defense the way he gives effort to trying to shoot out of double teams. The work-ethic touted by the media on him is now non-existent (especially on defense), and the will to drive to the basket is all but dead. His FG attempts is at a career high at 25.1 a game next to his 35 ppg season at 27 fga, while his 3p% is at a career low at a .254 clip while still chucking over 4 of them a game. So though his 25 fga is still a full two shots below 05-06, he has utilized most of them as posted fade away 18 footers and outside jumpers. He has in a word, gotten lazy.

Lazy, not in a sense, that he doesn't care to win or skip a work-out (though he has begun to skip scrimmages and practices now more then ever much like the infamous Cornrows McGee guy from Philly), but lazy in a sense where he has let his sense of entitlement belittle his sense of basketball intuition. He doesn't play hard on D, because he's Kobe. He doesn't need to give the ball to Bynum because he has Two Finals MVPs to Bynum's Zero. He settles for the 3 because he has accrued so many ridiculous crowd-awing shots from behind the arc, that he deserves to go for it, even if it does clank it, it is bound to go in eventually.

In pursuit of his scoring title versus the betterment of the team, Mr. B.B. has become Captain Ahab in Moby Dick, in pursuit of the evasive white beast of a whale (his scoring title) while putting the rest of his mates in jeopardy.

With his career at its twilight, for him to pull this charade, one must wonder if it is truly about winning for Mr B.B. this season. One must wonder if it ever was truly about winning for Mr. B.B. His drive to win championships is still there, but he's on the wrong road. The road he's always been on, "Win, only if I'm the reason we win", and has never been as pure as Bill Russel's drive or Bill Walton or Magic Johnson or Larry Bird.

Perhaps he should retire after this season, as things don't look good for this new Jim Buss epoch. If he doesn't he will expose himself as an athlete who cared more about his individual accolades over his interest to win ball games. Bowling Ball-Head sexy Kobe was long dead after the Three-Peat, and now it appears Basketballing Confucius Zen Rational Win Games Kobe is dead too, it just hasn't been realized yet. And if he stays out there on the court like this, it will get ugly. As The Joker from Batman once said, "You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villian."

It will be difficult to see the B.B. clank and rattle his way to eclipse the 30,000 mark while his ego pushes him away from his pursuit of his 6th championship.

R.i.p. 2008-11 Colby B.B.

Goodnight sweet prince.

You sound like you are so in love with yourself.

Squad13
01-17-2012, 10:53 AM
Meh. I was expecting better. I love some of the older posts .

Iodine
01-17-2012, 01:06 PM
I love you hoops. Please marry me again

Geargo Wallace
01-17-2012, 01:50 PM
I love you hoops. Please marry me again

hands off my man!

LAKERMANIA
01-17-2012, 04:22 PM
Meh. I was expecting better. I love some of the older posts .

Even though I thought it was funny I agree, I remember laughing way harder when he called Manramforprez, ManramforPorn :laugh:

Kashmir13579
01-17-2012, 05:26 PM
Hoopsprophet is too legit to quit. I laugh out loud everytime i read one of your articles.

tbone2171
01-17-2012, 05:39 PM
Long live HoopsProphet!!! I smell a Pulitzer

tbone2171
01-17-2012, 05:44 PM
After the game, doused in sweat and just-out-of-high-school girls, he was signing autographs, smiling and laughing and just being the cool, hopeful, aspiring guy ubiquitous in any other 21 year old guy.

:laugh2:

TylerSL
12-09-2013, 07:41 PM
who banned this guy?

PurpleLynch
12-09-2013, 07:50 PM
Love the Joker's reference. You give me a good laugh,even if I'm a Kobe's die hard fan.:D

still1ballin
12-09-2013, 08:13 PM
Ze gratest!!

AddiX
12-09-2013, 08:20 PM
They ban this guy, but keep around a handful of posters who constantly do nothing but post 1 sentence in a weak effort to troll.

Smh

SlimKid
12-09-2013, 09:06 PM
Meh. I was expecting better. I love some of the older posts .

Agree. His older posts are far more prophetic - pun intended

ManRam
12-09-2013, 09:08 PM
My sig yesterday was an homage to the great Hoops Prophet. I hope he (i.e. his dupes) somehow saw it.

May his soul always fly thru the pain of loneliness, like a seagull.

BrandoCommando
12-09-2013, 10:45 PM
What's this guys deal?

still1ballin
12-09-2013, 10:49 PM
They ban this guy, but keep around a handful of posters who constantly do nothing but post 1 sentence in a weak effort to troll.

Smh

He is still among us!

Hellcrooner
12-09-2013, 11:28 PM
who banned this guy?
he is called pablonovi nowdays.

Seems he got a new Ip since he hasnt been banned again.

LA_Raiders
12-10-2013, 12:25 AM
Lol

king4day
12-10-2013, 12:37 AM
who banned this guy?

Don't bump old threads