View Full Version : John Mayberry

09-07-2011, 08:39 PM
John Mayberry(notes) will apparently do anything for a date with a mermaid.
Yes, somebody has playfully betrayed the young Philadelphia Phillies outfielder and leaked a series of emails that expose his diabolical plan to have his agent set him up with actress and model Antoinette Nikprelaj, who played an underwater seductress in the most recent "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie.
Unfortunately for Mayberry, this mermaid is taken, as she is already married and has a daughter.
Ah well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, right?
Unfortunately for Mayberry, it's too late to stuff the underwater genie back into the bottle. Because of his mad crush on a Hollywood starlet, Mayberry's plan has made Page 6 of the New York Post:
The LA-based agent wrote in the e-mail on Aug. 30: "I imagine you're familiar with CAA and some of our clients, as we work with Ryan Howard(notes), Roy Halladay(notes), Buster Posey(notes) and Andre Ethier(notes) among others.
"I hate to even be sending you this e-mail, and I'm quite embarrassed to say the least, but we have a young client on the Philadelphia Phillies who asked us if we knew any agents at Innovative Artists and could connect him to Antoinette Nikprelaj.
"I know you're not a dating or set-up service, but John Mayberry Jr. (Phillies OF) would love to meet Antoinette or invite her to a baseball game sometime. Would this be possible?"
This is how famous people pass notes like they're in sixth grade.
The best part was Mayberry's agent including a bio, calling Mayberry "a great guy, down-to-earth, humble, Stanford-educated, etc."
"Humble, Stanford-educated, etc." We not only have a humblebrag there, but also a phrase that pays! Isn't that right, teammate Hunter Pence(notes)?

But apparently not educated enough to know he's seeking a married mermaid. It's all for the best, though, because inter-species romances are tricky. For every human Tom Hanks, who managed to woo mermaid Daryl Hannah in "Splash," there's a Centaur Alex Rodriguez(notes), who could not get human Kate Hudson to play horse with him forever.
We wish Mayberry best of luck with future fishing for mermaid dates. When you find one, John Jr., don't do anything rash, like convert, until you know she loves you.
Flippers make it hard to run the bases, so try to make her move to Philly first.


Mr. Hangman
09-07-2011, 08:50 PM
This is a funny story no matter what team you're a fan of. Also, painfully awkward. I love how you can feel the agent's humiliation in his words in the email.

Come on, Big John. You're a tall, handsome, well-spoken man. Not to mention an extra-base hit machine, and last I heard, chicks still dig the long ball. Approach the woman yourself.

Not sure if she's actually married (the original NY Post article made no mention of that and it's hard to find a good bio of her online), but if true, that makes it twice as bad. Poor guy is never going to live this down.

09-07-2011, 09:19 PM
worst thread

09-07-2011, 10:11 PM
worst thread


09-07-2011, 10:22 PM
ok then

09-07-2011, 10:27 PM
Fine if you dont like it. It amused me so i thought I'd share

09-07-2011, 10:41 PM
Fine if you dont like it. It amused me so i thought I'd share

I LOL'd :shrug:

09-07-2011, 10:45 PM
I mean it's funny, but not roll on the floor laughing funny.

09-07-2011, 11:46 PM
worst thread

I see what you did there.

09-08-2011, 06:18 AM
Nothing wrong with the thread. He's being made fun of big time on Twitter, everybody is asking him on dates now.

Pinstripe pride
09-08-2011, 09:06 AM
she's hot at least

Kelly Gruber
09-09-2011, 10:56 AM
Celebrities use their agents to find dates all the time. It's part of the business. But yeah man, you're in MLB, shouldn't need your agent to hook you up. And maybe google her first? Probably would have found out about the husband and kid pretty quick...