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TheHoopsProphet
06-14-2011, 10:36 AM
Captain CrunchTime Colby’s 81. The last 8 minutes of the 2010 NBA Finals. B-Roy’s Game 4 against the Mavericks in the first round. These were moments I witnessed that never changed anything in my life. Though I have a lovely wife named Angelina Jolie who cares for me and attends to my sexual needs. And though I know she will never cheat on me, she is actually just a hand, and a hand which is connected to my left arm. I now have a beer belly. If my charm was twice as pleasing as my face, I would have the demeanor of a child sex offender. Speaking of children, I have now lost the respect of my 8 year old son who sees right through me, and thinks I only want to hang out with him because I have no friends (which is true). These problems will never go away, but those moments will forever be engrained in my memory right between the memories of watching my ex-wife blow my brother in the bathroom of Denny’s (we came separately, not that big of coincidence as know one can resist the Grand Slam breakfast) and being by my father’s side in a hospice on his death bed who struggled to speak but managed to get out “Get your hands off my thighs you fago”.

Yes, these problems will always be here. But when I experience those transcendent moments in sports that I spend my whole life waiting for, anticipating, there is nothing better. It gives me hope and inspiration. The will of these overpaid athletes overcoming the odds, is emblematic of the struggles I go through in my own life. And as I watch them train hard to get that ball in the hoop consistently, I think of students studying hard for their own finals instead of going out to have naked pizza parties, I think of fat guys at the gym dropping the Krispy Kreme for a dumbell even though God has tried his hardest the make them genetically predisposed to salivate at the sight of a sprinkle, I think of Russell Crowe fighting tigers and winning over the Roman crowd for his freedom to make future movies to be typecasted as a raging alcoholic. The outcome of sports careers has no direct correlation to the outcome of my own life, but it gives us a dash of inspiration and a moment of clarity of what it means to have will.

Even with all the romanticism aside, has Lebron forgot about the betting world? Take for example this guy who recently wrote this letter I found:


Plz excuse any typos in this thread, as I recently had all ten of my fingers broke(

I once was a believer in Lebrown James. I went to his hi skool games, went to his first game in Suckremento, came to his eponymous camps during summers, attended his marketing evnts (release of new shoes, charities, on set w his commercials), N we even have a close relationship (I stood at the Miami airport for 6 hrs to be closest to him so I could shake his hand, he didn’t shake my hand, but he made eye contact w/ me and I havent washed my eyes since).

But me and Le Big Jams - a nickname I gave with him and shared a laugh with him (wel ovr twitter, and I laughed, he nvr replied, but its coo hes busy and stuff) - have been in a rough patch as of late. U see, he hasn responded 2 any of mi letters, n I have sent at least fity of them by noww. And at first I thought, “Oh does he not live in Akron nemore?“ But I triple checked and he still does. So my last letter I wrote after game 5 of the NBA Finals. When I saw his tweet b4 game 5 “ITS NOW OR NEVER”, I though da beast had awoken and was ready to eat the blood of children. So I decided to place 30 thousand dollars (about 15k more then the money I have saved for my in-utero daughter’s college funds) on the Heat winning by 15 with him getting triple double to the local Cuban mafia. Well, the moment the game ended, I started packing my bags in my apartment getting ready to move to Antarctica, but as I wd about ready to leave I hear a knack on my door,

I says to da door, “Halo?”
and da door says to me, “Pizza guy”
And I think strange, “I didn’t order no pizza”
Door says, “I mean, im a JabbadaHut’s Witness”
I say, “Leave me alone, I already told u racist mofos last time im black”
Door says, “We changed rules, blacks and fat ppl r now allowed to join our congregation”
I say, “OK, jus for a minute, then I got to go.”

But I open door, and all I remember is being in a dark room tied to a chair. My jaw felt raw and dislocated, and I couldn’t see out of left eye since it was puffy. I see fat guys in suits ready to play some baseball even though it must have been past 2 am, but I didn’t say anything cuz they looked like they needed the exercise.

They say, “Wheres the clams?”
And I tell them, “How should I know? I don’t eat sea food, maybe theyre in ur stomach”

They proceed to play baseball except they confused my body for a T-ball stand.

They then say, “We’re going to kill u and ur pregnant wife tonight. Lebron didn’t win, and now neither do u.”

I tell them but at least he got triple double and they r like, “wat? Rly??” they check his stats, and he did. So they say, “OK, pay us the 30k by tomorrow at sunset, or we kill u”

Rite now, I write this letter to lebron, its raining rite now, and im on the side of a bridge. My Prego wife is locked in the trunk. I asked u to let me borrow 30k after all we been through, but u never responded. U act like u don’t even know me. I mean wen u typed that tweet were u just in kitchen making lunch deciding, “Its Chowder or Cheddar”? Don’t u undersstand whether u win or lose does affect me, and u don’t seem to care. Sports is my life, it is form of escapism the way u use probably women and booze and extravagant vacations is ur escapism, this is mine. And u ruined it for me. Goodbye ol’ pal.


Sports has a huge influence on our lives. As vapid and meaningless as they may be.

PHX2daDEATH
06-14-2011, 11:01 AM
if theres no NFL or NBA in the fall im going to go drown myself in a volcano

metsfanssince05
06-14-2011, 11:03 AM
Sports is my everything.. 1. NHL, 2. NBA, 3. MLB. I cannot live without sports. One thing I hate about the summer is no NHL/NBA ):

Bubba313
06-14-2011, 11:04 AM
^^ That's some Stan **** right there

DaBUU
06-14-2011, 11:11 AM
I'm feeling this thread, cuz I'm currently in a pit of sports despair. Still no Bears, Bulls are done and now i'm forced to pay attention to my Cubs. bad, bad times

RaiderLakersA's
06-14-2011, 11:15 AM
I can live without sports. In fact, I have before. I worked 3 jobs just to put myself through college. Between work and studying, following my sports teams was an afterthought. I didn't have much time for anything.

So while I may be very ticked off if the NFL lockout carries over into the season, I'll find other pursuits. In the modern age there are so many diversions and sources of entertainment that the sports world should feel privileged to have our attention for the 2 - 4 hours that it takes to air a match.

Young and Stupid
06-14-2011, 11:15 AM
Good ****, HP.

I think you missed out on an opportunity with LeBron's admirer (something more that you could have adapted from Stan), but aside from that it was fulfilling.

As always, it was a good read.

PhillyFaninLA
06-14-2011, 11:17 AM
I have other interests. My mind is active (probably a bit too much a lot of the time) all the time and there are things are care about more than sports and enjoy as much.

With that said sports does play a very important role in my life, whether its here on this message board or watching a game, match, competition, whatever is the proper term for a specific sport, is that it is the one time I shut my brain off and just enjoy something from a mindless and emotional place. That also explains some of the idiotic posts I have from time to time

For me its important but not essential. Its an escape from thought and getting lost in the moments that only sports can provide, a penalty shot with no time left on the clock, a buzzer beater, down by 1 with 2 outs in the ninth with a man on and your best hitter up, last second 50 yard field goal, escaping into that and just embracing it, is what sports is to me.

dickydick8
06-14-2011, 11:23 AM
fishing this summer! i can't stand baseball and i have 2 baseball teams in chicago =1

m26555
06-14-2011, 12:15 PM
Sometimes I wish I didn't love sports as much as I do, because they definitely provide unnecessary stress.

HeatBBall
06-14-2011, 12:17 PM
Sometimes I wish I didn't love sports as much as I do, because they definitely provide unnecessary stress.

I second this!! lol.

tyfreaks brotha
06-14-2011, 12:30 PM
WTF... But yeah of course I need sports!

LA_Raiders
06-14-2011, 12:58 PM
lol, i miss NFL already...

Missing56&33
06-14-2011, 01:08 PM
Ha Ha that was a funny read......Yes, sports means a lot to me, its what it is........entertainment. That's why the athletes make so much freakin money because first and foremost they are entertainers but each team represents a City and State in which we all live or have some type of connection. We have played with these guys ......watched them on every level.....in some cases went to the same school as some players but these guys that have been fortunate enough to make it to the pros are living a childhood dream.......and in some instances we are living through them.

Now it will be tough on me if their is no basketball season or no football season because those are my two favorite sports to watch but it won't be that bad this year because.......the Knicks made it to the playoffs, and they have two all stars and a much brighter future than a year ago.....The Miami Heat loss the Finals......and the Giants .....well I have the DVD of the 2008 SB to watch......Yes that SB win was special, it will carry me over until the season starts.

Even watching Plax on ESPN plead for a job is special to me because he was apart of that historic SB run.

VRP723
06-14-2011, 01:37 PM
This was no joke the funniest thing I've ever read on PSD.

MoBASS
06-14-2011, 01:40 PM
Hoops Prophet, you ARE PSD.

Hawkeye15
06-14-2011, 01:53 PM
Hoops, while there is no doubt you can be hilarious, and have great writing ability, the Mods have agreed this needs to be closed. You have a hanful of words and phrases in here that we really don't allow on PSD.

I seriously copied and forwarded this to at least 4 people. But we can't have some of the stuff you wrote here.