View Full Version : Gerald Wallace gets recruited by the FBI

04-14-2011, 12:59 PM

In a league of athletic fowards, Portland's Gerald Wallace(notes) is perhaps the most fearless. Despite a history of concussions and various injuries, Wallace continually sacrifices his body for rebounds, points and loose balls. He plays with reckless abandon, and it's earned him the fitting nickname of "Crash."

But perhaps Wallace's skills and commitment to the cause are better served in another area of life. Like, say, while working for the government. Because the FBI recruited him at a recent Blazers practice. From Andrea Flatley at KTPV FOX 12 (via Tickle the Wire and Shoals):

The FBI's website says they aren't hiring right now, but that didn't stop the Portland branch from encouraging Trail Blazer Gerald Wallace from applying.

When the 6 foot 7 inch forward got to the Rose City, he mentioned he'd like to join the FBI when he gets done in the NBA. So, five agents took in practice this week and encouraged the Alabama native to keep the bureau in mind.

Special agent in charge Art Balizan, assistant special agent in charge Alan Peters, public affairs specialist Beth Anne Steele and retired Portland FBI agents Bob Hanis and Dick Bittner gave Wallace an official FBI hat, sweatshirt and honorary badge. [...]

To qualify as a special agent, an applicant must be a U.S. citizen, between 23 and 37 years old, have a four-year college degree and at least three years of professional work experience.

Wallace left the University of Alabama after one season, and, as far as I know, has not returned to complete his degree. However, as I learned from the groundbreaking film "Point Break," former athletes can quite easily become FBI agents who team up with Gary Busey to stop shamanic bank-robbing surfers and also fall in love with Lori Petty in the process. This is your future, Gerald, and I couldn't be happier for you.

In all honesty, this is probably a marketing ploy by the FBI, in the sense that it wants the general public -- and especially the fine people of Portland -- to know it has a sense of humor and it isn't just shadowy government bureaucrats who tap your phones because you voted for Ralph Nader. It's a curious move, considering Wallace doesn't currently meet its hiring guidelines, but it's also a nice bit of fun.

So don't be surprised if Gerald Wallace kicks in your door some day, domestic evildoers. He treats cases like defense, and always gets his man.

04-14-2011, 04:00 PM
pretty cool. probably not worth the risk for a guy like him, though.

04-14-2011, 07:44 PM
I'm thinking it may be tough for him to be undercover.

04-14-2011, 08:12 PM
I hope it ends up something like this (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119013/).

04-14-2011, 08:15 PM

John Walls Era
04-14-2011, 08:18 PM
Good luck going undercover.

04-14-2011, 08:44 PM
i think its mostly a publicity stunt. but if not, thats pretty cool

04-14-2011, 08:53 PM
that be fun to watch, everyones shooting 9's in suites, crash is shooting treis in a balzer jersey lol

Mile High Champ
04-14-2011, 09:02 PM

The Final Boss
04-14-2011, 09:03 PM
He wouldn't make it through the psychological evaluation or training. He isn't smart enough.

Geargo Wallace
04-14-2011, 09:07 PM
he should play and be in the NBA at the same time. Run his undercover investigations when on the road w/ Portland. He'd be like Chuck Barris but in the FBI instead of the CIA.

Geargo Wallace
04-14-2011, 09:09 PM
He wouldn't make it through the psychological evaluation or training. He isn't smart enough.

Who knows maybe he's street smart? Moses Malone was dumb, but he wasn't a fool.

Ty Fast
04-15-2011, 12:53 AM
I'm thinking it may be tough for him to be undercover.


04-15-2011, 01:06 AM
Pretty Random but cool!

04-15-2011, 01:22 AM
I hope it ends up something like this (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119013/).


The Final Boss
04-18-2011, 08:44 PM
He's too dumb, period.

04-18-2011, 08:46 PM

04-18-2011, 09:05 PM
he doesnt have a 4- year education