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TheHoopsProphet
03-11-2011, 04:28 PM
Its no secret; many of the fans in this PSD forum, and many sports fans in general have an image to show. They need to display they’ve got big balls, that they ain’t no b!tch, that they would never put a penis in their arseholes. And us hairy-chested chauvinists must do what it take to prove that we’ve indeed never had a penis in our arseholes; keep our heads high, dog down people, work-out our biceps until we can’t wipe said arseholes, grow beards, watch Nicholas Cage movies, compare penis sizes, eat pancakes, talk about double D's, and above all, to never cry.

Yes, to never show that we ever experienced pain, that we never had pancakes without syrup. That the only emotions we know of are hunger, entitlement, and raging boners. But, to those who have had a field day on what went on in that Heat locker room after their fourth straight loss, I ask you, are you not human? Do you not bleed?! Do you not itch?? Do you not sweat?! Do you not piss in sinks?! We can’t control our precious bodily fluids, they are involuntary organisms which permeate through our veins, covering our souls, and filtering our bodies like the streams of the Mississippi that flows through this great nation! Thomas Jefferson gave us the right to bleed and cry and cum inside girls even if theyre fat (you are a true patriot Lamar!), and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some pansy media outlet tell me how to feel, I have the right to feel like **** if I want to! And the moment I don’t, I’ll know the communists have won!

Yes, I must confess, that I myself have cried on many occasions. I cried when the GOAT Colby “cool beans” Bryant hit that game 4 winning shot to put the Minneapolis Lakers up 3-1 against the heavily favored Suns. I cried when Brett Fars played his last game as a Packer on MNF. I cried when Big Mac with Cheese broke the hr record against Randy Johnson. I cried when Toby “spiderman4ever” MacGuire was shot and killed in his high school bathroom by the black kid at the end of American History X. I cried when Scarlett Johanson broke up with me because my penis was too big. I cried when I had sex with my old landlord lady to compensate for the rent I didn’t pay. I cried when I realized I was officially going to be a homeless man with no place to live. I cried when I shot up heroin with some other wino guy who told me Alien life forces make him rape young guys in the back of alleys and if they move he’ll shank them in their ribcage. I cried when I was ****ed up the *** for the first time. I cried when I went to the doctors and found out I contracted syphilis and some other unknown, malicious STD that he never seen before. I cried when a doctor told me some unknown Alien life force makes him rape his patients behind closed doors, and if they yell he’ll not give them prescription for their STD. I cried when I was writing a thread on PSD talking about bad memories that I went to therapy for years and suddenly remembered them and now wanted to go drink jack and coke and snuggle with my dog for comfort and try to let it lick my testicles with the leftover coke pour onto it because I suddenly got a little horny.

We all cry PSD; me, you, Your Name Here, Brad Pitt…even Jesus cries sometimes. It means we care. It means we’re still alive. It means sometimes we have to eat our pancakes without syrup. It means that we have invested ourselves into something. What’s that Phil Jackson? Sports has no room for crying? Well why don’t you ride your stupid motorcycle off a cliff you shnozzled squirrel-munching puffer! Go take your meds!! Go take your Zanex, or whatever else 50 other pills you have to take, to prevent you from being emotionally invested in anything, dozing off during games! Don’t you remember this PJ?


http://www.forgotmylines.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/JordanCrying2.jpg

No? How about this:

colby (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_C8oMLBboDyM/TAQcosuH31I/AAAAAAAAAR0/FrojcjX9wDU/s1600/kobe-bryant-celtics-final.jpg)

Or this:

http://files.lakerhead.com/2010/06/fisher1.jpg

What did you have for breakfast? Oh, forget it, I guess its past you at this point. But I will say this PJ: if you think sports has no room for tears, if a player must operate under the extreme pressures of fans, teammates, media, and family and friends on a daily basis, must go through the highs and lows of sports on the bad streaks and good streaks, while maintaining this robotic façade 24/7 the whole season while always being watched, that the hours of practice and warming up and games they put every ounce of sweat their bodies could allow only to lose and have to get onto a plane for the next game the next night, pressures that any average person could not even begin to comprehend, if it would be preferred that the players watch from the sidelines in a blowout loss, chatting and watching the game without caring for it, wondering what they were going to do that night since they were on the road in a big city, laughing and chatting with their opponents who walked up to their bench in front of their own betrayed fans, tweeting with opponents, treating them to dinner after games, laughing with opponents on the court, but to never drop a single tear, well Phil, then maybe you should retire. And maybe, if this is what is preferred in sports, I should consider watching ice skating, because at least I’ll know that they had heart, and they cared. I’m going to go cry now.

210Don
03-11-2011, 04:29 PM
umm..

Gators123
03-11-2011, 04:31 PM
What. The. ****?

tdunk21
03-11-2011, 04:34 PM
????????????

b@llhog24
03-11-2011, 04:35 PM
1st this a pretty homo post(no offence to gays)
2nd Huh?
3rd Why is he styl allowed to post here?
4th In b4 lock

carnage101
03-11-2011, 04:36 PM
i shed a tear after the ending of AHX also..

Hustlenomics
03-11-2011, 04:38 PM
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_C8oMLBboDyM/TAQcosuH31I/AAAAAAAAAR0/FrojcjX9wDU/s1600/kobe-bryant-celtics-final.jpg
^ I like that picture best

Ollie Tabooger
03-11-2011, 04:40 PM
haha this is great. your posts are always hilarious, as well as being a good read. :clap:

Ollie Tabooger
03-11-2011, 04:42 PM
^^^ why all the hate fellas? I doubt most of you could write something nearly as humorous as this. And it has some good insight as well.

pd1dish
03-11-2011, 04:44 PM
im not going to even waste my time reading the first paragraph of this book the OP decided to write

RZZZA
03-11-2011, 04:44 PM
I don't piss in sinks, thats nasty.

another great post

Vincent
03-11-2011, 04:49 PM
Very nice.

You deserve an internet clap.

sep11ie
03-11-2011, 04:59 PM
Another prize by my main man hoops!

Slimsim
03-11-2011, 05:00 PM
you got raped in the *** ?

blastmasta26
03-11-2011, 05:50 PM
The second paragraph had me :laugh:

John Walls Era
03-11-2011, 05:53 PM
Not wasting my time reading it. Can a nice person please summarize this?

gsgs49
03-11-2011, 06:06 PM
I cried when I was ****ed up the *** for the first time. I cried when I went to the doctors and found out I contracted syphilis and some other unknown, malicious STD that he never seen before. I cried when a doctor told me some unknown Alien life force makes him rape his patients behind closed doors, and if they yell he’ll not give them prescription for their STD..

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

RZZZA
03-11-2011, 06:08 PM
Not wasting my time reading it. Can a nice person please summarize this?

that defeats the entire purpose. the end is not so much the point as the journey. if you cant enjoy reading this then it's no good to you, it's not for you.

gsgs49
03-11-2011, 06:10 PM
^^^ why all the hate fellas? I doubt most of you could write something nearly as humorous as this. And it has some good insight as well.

Exactly,this guy is a genius.

JasonJohnHorn
03-11-2011, 06:16 PM
BRILLIANT!!!!

Keep it up bro... it is appreciated!

JasonJohnHorn
03-11-2011, 06:19 PM
I cried when Spock came back to like in Star Trek III: The Search For Spock, and also when he died at the end of Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan. I also cried the first time I heard Diana Ross and the Supreme's "Living In Shame". I also cried when the bullies at my grad school wrapped a skipping rope around my neck (an actualy ROPE) and dragged me around the base ball diamond (in all fairness, they let me go between first and second base). And I cry whenever a girl dumps me, which is A LOT!

Young and Stupid
03-11-2011, 06:20 PM
The people's champ has returned; Hoops, you and I always get along and while your level of intellect and writing aptitude does not surpass my own, it just might rival it.

You should have finished that beautiful piece of literature with THIS (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q1kcftSGug#t=0m6s).

GodsSon
03-11-2011, 06:24 PM
Great post, and despite what others are saying, your literary talents are much appreciated.

I just shed a tear down my right cheek as well without any eye motion....only one tear though.

haggis
03-11-2011, 06:25 PM
HoopsProphet pwns n00bz

John Walls Era
03-11-2011, 06:26 PM
that defeats the entire purpose. the end is not so much the point as the journey. if you cant enjoy reading this then it's no good to you, it's not for you.

I'll get to it when I'm less tired. Seems like theres some very funny whack stuff.

Storch
03-11-2011, 06:36 PM
I feel like the communists just won. :laugh2:

Gary Reasons
03-11-2011, 06:39 PM
Gay

Slimsim
03-11-2011, 06:52 PM
I cried watching OZ

Geargo Wallace
03-11-2011, 07:04 PM
i cry when i dice onions at funerals while pinching my skin

AIMelo=KillaDUO
03-11-2011, 07:05 PM
this was ilarious!

Hawkeye15
03-11-2011, 07:05 PM
Hoops, your posts are all over the place, but you can write man.

"lamar, you are a true patriot"

that part was funny

Geargo Wallace
03-11-2011, 07:05 PM
I cried watching OZ

Adibese cried about wanting TIIIITSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Geargo Wallace
03-11-2011, 07:08 PM
Hoops, your posts are all over the place, but you can write man.

"lamar, you are a true patriot"

that part was funny

I am impressed with his first 2 paragraphs as well. He should start a blog.

MSU4life
03-11-2011, 07:09 PM
in

Lake_Show2416
03-11-2011, 07:13 PM
All those photos were after the Finals

haggis
03-11-2011, 07:19 PM
Thomas Jefferson gave us the right to bleed and cry and cum inside girls even if theyre fat (you are a true patriot Lamar!).

This is easily the best line ever written on the internet. Easily.

QuaLiThADoN
03-11-2011, 07:29 PM
Good stuff lol... Got pushed too far at some points and everyone knows what i mean lol

tcav701
03-11-2011, 07:31 PM
The Prophet returns to save PSD!!!

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 07:35 PM
its no secret; many of the fans in this psd forum, and many sports fans in general have an image to show. They need to display they’ve got big balls, that they ain’t no b!tch, that they would never put a penis in their arseholes. And us hairy-chested chauvinists must do what it take to prove that we’ve indeed never had a penis in our arseholes; keep our heads high, dog down people, work-out our biceps until we can’t wipe said arseholes, grow beards, watch nicholas cage movies, compare penis sizes, eat pancakes, talk about double d's, and above all, to never cry.

Yes, to never show that we ever experienced pain, that we never had pancakes without syrup. That the only emotions we know of are hunger, entitlement, and raging boners. But, to those who have had a field day on what went on in that heat locker room after their fourth straight loss, i ask you, are you not human? Do you not bleed?! Do you not itch?? Do you not sweat?! Do you not piss in sinks?! We can’t control our precious bodily fluids, they are involuntary organisms which permeate through our veins, covering our souls, and filtering our bodies like the streams of the mississippi that flows through this great nation! Thomas jefferson gave us the right to bleed and cry and cum inside girls even if theyre fat (you are a true patriot lamar!), and i’ll be damned if i’m going to let some pansy media outlet tell me how to feel, i have the right to feel like **** if i want to! And the moment i don’t, i’ll know the communists have won!




winning!!

You are the new Warlock of PSD !!!! DUDE !! Awesome!!

OnslaughtXX6
03-11-2011, 07:40 PM
Say hello to my new sig.

I cried when I was writing a thread on PSD talking about bad memories that I went to therapy for years and suddenly remembered them and now wanted to go drink jack and coke and snuggle with my dog for comfort and try to let it lick my testicles with the leftover coke pour onto it because I suddenly got a little horny.

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 07:40 PM
I mean I have no idea wtf you are talking about, however that is the first thing I think of--WINNING!!

Also, that dark German beer, mushrooms, meth, Red Bull, ecstasy and "working your biceps till you can't wipe your arsehole" is a bad combination. Also you should avoid felching, even though you're in Europe, especially when you are on a meth rush at an all guys gymnasium/steam room.

JayAllDay
03-11-2011, 07:42 PM
What is this emo ****?

tcav701
03-11-2011, 07:43 PM
Prophet, have you ever thought of doing stand up?

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 07:46 PM
Not wasting my time reading it. Can a nice person please summarize this?

uhhhh, yes. The blood is apparently rushing to his head suddenly as his blood vessels constrict and his heart pumps frantically, most likely do to a compound much stronger than caffeine or alcohol.

Subsequently there is a subconscious memory-dump involving a lot of talk of "arseholes" (quaint olde english word) and wiping them, putting penises in them, not being able to wipe them, not being able to control body fluids, and that the media cannot control his fantastic emotions.

Have a nice day.

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 07:50 PM
What did you have for breakfast? Oh, forget it, I guess its past you at this point. But I will say this PJ: if you think sports has no room for tears, if a player must operate under the extreme pressures of fans, teammates, media, and family and friends on a daily basis, must go through the highs and lows of sports on the bad streaks and good streaks, while maintaining this robotic façade 24/7 the whole season while always being watched, that the hours of practice and warming up and games they put every ounce of sweat their bodies could allow only to lose and have to get onto a plane for the next game the next night, pressures that any average person could not even begin to comprehend, if it would be preferred that the players watch from the sidelines in a blowout loss, chatting and watching the game without caring for it, wondering what they were going to do that night since they were on the road in a big city, laughing and chatting with their opponents who walked up to their bench in front of their own betrayed fans, tweeting with opponents, treating them to dinner after games, laughing with opponents on the court, but to never drop a single tear, well Phil, then maybe you should retire. And maybe, if this is what is preferred in sports, I should consider watching ice skating, because at least I’ll know that they had heart, and they cared. I’m going to go cry now.


I'm just too cold-hearted for tears. When I cry it makes diamonds like Dracula's tears do.

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 07:56 PM
My ex-girlfriend loved to cry though. She would cry and then get all masochistic and horney. If she started crying I would just start drilling her immediately. Sometimes she cried while we were doing it. Never after. It was like this mini-psycho-drama she apparently enjoyed--I just enjoyed her getting all sexy and wide-open masochistic while she cried and chewed on the pillow. Who knows what she was thinking... and if she fantasized about a guy who really didn't care, then I was definitely that guy.

I eventually had to dump her when she gained 10 lbs and start making the transition from "intriguingly messed up" to "annoyingly *****y."

just wanted to share that.

Geargo Wallace
03-11-2011, 07:58 PM
oh man i cant help but smile reading this thread. it made my day. this should be enshrined in glass, while the thread about Kobe shooting around after the game should be thrown in the dumpster.

Slimsim
03-11-2011, 08:04 PM
I am impressed with his first 2 paragraphs as well. He should start a blog.

I cried when he and Vern Schillinger died and keller

Geargo Wallace
03-11-2011, 08:14 PM
I cried when he and Vern Schillinger died and keller

I've only season 1. THX for ruining the awesomeness of OZ for me ******* :)

CityofTreez
03-11-2011, 08:17 PM
HoopProphet, weren't you based out of Berkley at one moment?

Ovratd1up
03-11-2011, 08:35 PM
If you find the ignorance to 'hate' on this, you truly are dead to yourself.

The people saying this was gay are especially amusing.

lakers4sho
03-11-2011, 08:48 PM
TheHoopsProphet, I love you. Will you marry me?

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 08:53 PM
If you find the ignorance to 'hate' on this, you truly are dead to yourself.

The people saying this was gay are especially amusing.

Are you crying when you wrote your response?

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 08:54 PM
If you find the ignorance to 'hate' on this, you truly are dead to yourself.

The people saying this was gay are especially amusing.

LEAVE HOOPS PROHPET ALONE!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 08:55 PM
seriously I need to slow down... I feel like I might PWN this thread so hard that it irreparably harms the Forums

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 08:56 PM
Uncontested jam!!!!!

Geargo Wallace
03-11-2011, 09:01 PM
Are you crying when you wrote your response?

just so you know Ovratd1up was not hating on the thread. He was doing the opposite. Read what he said over a couple of times. I had to lol

Slimsim
03-11-2011, 09:04 PM
I've only season 1. THX for ruining the awesomeness of OZ for me ******* :)

OOps Sorry

tredigs
03-11-2011, 09:05 PM
My favorite part is Manram's edit on the original post: "removed nudity".

To say you jumped the shark would probably be an understatement HoopsProphet - you parasailed the Statue of ****ing Liberty - but I love every minute of it.

ecorrea
03-11-2011, 09:06 PM
gotta give you some :clap:

tredigs
03-11-2011, 09:11 PM
My ex-girlfriend loved to cry though. She would cry and then get all masochistic and horney. If she started crying I would just start drilling her immediately. Sometimes she cried while we were doing it. Never after. It was like this mini-psycho-drama she apparently enjoyed--I just enjoyed her getting all sexy and wide-open masochistic while she cried and chewed on the pillow. Who knows what she was thinking... and if she fantasized about a guy who really didn't care, then I was definitely that guy.

I eventually had to dump her when she gained 10 lbs and start making the transition from "intriguingly messed up" to "annoyingly *****y."

just wanted to share that.

Oh troooth trooth.

Want to know what the nonsensical homertacular ramblings of the NBA forum desperately needs to bridge the hate in its other threads? This. A weekly-weekend "off-topic" discussion thread (with a semi-related basketball "theme" each week that would ideally always be presented by HP's ridiculous ***).

It'll unquestionably often end in drunken ramblings of homers far and wide espousing their hate for eachothers sports icons, but what's new? The random commentary interspersed will indubitably be more thoughtful and entertaining than 90% of the threads we see here.

godolphins
03-11-2011, 09:12 PM
I'm suprise a mod didn't close this thread
1. Most of the stuff you said has nothing to do with the Nba(especially the gay part :puke:)
2 What?
3 :confused:

HuRRiCaNeS324
03-11-2011, 09:12 PM
Are all people in Germany that weird?

John Walls Era
03-11-2011, 09:13 PM
lmfao just read it. Pretty funny.

Geargo Wallace
03-11-2011, 09:13 PM
OOps Sorry

well in case you haven`t watched The Wire... Kima doesn't die. Stringer gets killed by Brother M and Omar. and Omar gets killed by Kenard in the last season. In the 4th Bodie gets killed by O-Dog. Yeee I ruined it for you hehehehee.

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 09:18 PM
Oh troooth trooth.

Want to know what the nonsensical homertacular ramblings of the NBA forum desperately needs to bridge the hate in its other threads? This. A weekly-weekend "off-topic" discussion thread (with a semi-related basketball "theme" each week that would ideally always be presented by HP's ridiculous ***).

It'll unquestionably often end in drunken ramblings of homers far and wide espousing their hate for eachothers sports icons, but what's new? The random commentary interspersed will indubitably be more thoughtful and entertaining than 90% of the threads we see here.

LoL awesome

Anilyzer
03-11-2011, 09:18 PM
I'm suprise a mod didn't close this thread
1. Most of the stuff you said has nothing to do with the Nba(especially the gay part :puke:)
2 What?
3 :confused:

ha ha LoL

that is like modern art or something

smith&wesson
03-11-2011, 09:31 PM
all the pictures are of the players crying is when they won a championship. those are happy tears my friend. and chris cried after a regular season loss. im not saying theres anything wrong with it. im just saying theres a difference.

Ebbs
03-11-2011, 10:23 PM
I read 3 sentences and then stopped as I was tired of you spilling BS and trying to make it seem inspirational.

HesterTrain
03-11-2011, 11:54 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PR_rzF8ofw

$ NyC $
03-12-2011, 12:07 AM
this is still open? haha ridiculous

TO Rapz
03-12-2011, 12:09 AM
:laugh: this is amazing. the 2nd paragraph is awesome :laugh2:

Slimsim
03-12-2011, 12:09 AM
well in case you haven`t watched The Wire... Kima doesn't die. Stringer gets killed by Brother M and Omar. and Omar gets killed by Kenard in the last season. In the 4th Bodie gets killed by O-Dog. Yeee I ruined it for you hehehehee.

Yea i seen that to Omar was the best to get killed by a kid is a slap in the face

Geargo Wallace
03-12-2011, 01:08 AM
Yea i seen that to Omar was the best to get killed by a kid is a slap in the face

Kenard is hard as fcuk. He's harder than Snoop is in real life.

marlinsfan24
03-12-2011, 01:12 AM
Good post! Thought it was pretty funny.

Ovratd1up
03-12-2011, 02:21 AM
Oh troooth trooth.

Want to know what the nonsensical homertacular ramblings of the NBA forum desperately needs to bridge the hate in its other threads? This. A weekly-weekend "off-topic" discussion thread (with a semi-related basketball "theme" each week that would ideally always be presented by HP's ridiculous ***).

It'll unquestionably often end in drunken ramblings of homers far and wide espousing their hate for eachothers sports icons, but what's new? The random commentary interspersed will indubitably be more thoughtful and entertaining than 90% of the threads we see here.

Yes.

koLohe2133
03-12-2011, 02:31 AM
Edward young John Conner furlong was killed at the end of American history x...

U lost me when u butchered that

Geargo Wallace
03-12-2011, 02:50 AM
Edward young John Conner furlong was killed at the end of American history x...

U lost me when u butchered that

lol didn't he say Tobey McGuire or something hahaha

Preacher
03-12-2011, 04:29 PM
OP has been banned? Disappointing.
Article is world class. :laugh2:

geraptor
03-12-2011, 04:33 PM
Are all people in Germany that weird?

:nod:

RZZZA
03-12-2011, 04:37 PM
why did they ban TheHoopsProphet? Thats a ****ing travesty.

Gators123
03-12-2011, 04:41 PM
I just read this for the third time, it gets better each time.

geraptor
03-12-2011, 04:55 PM
why did they ban TheHoopsProphet? Thats a ****ing travesty.

1 month without the hoops prophet:cry:

Preacher
03-12-2011, 05:34 PM
My favorite part is Manram's edit on the original post: "removed nudity".

To say you jumped the shark would probably be an understatement HoopsProphet - you parasailed the Statue of ****ing Liberty - but I love every minute of it.

:laugh2:

NYYCowboys
03-12-2011, 05:59 PM
I don't get how this is funny....not my type of humor I guess, but this is definitely the first time I've seen someone admit they were ****ed in the ***, and not have the thread closed.

SoxBearsBulls!
03-12-2011, 06:04 PM
lame

don't quit your day job

Preacher
03-13-2011, 01:56 AM
1 month without the hoops prophet:cry:Hope it is just a month. I miss him already.

Gram
03-13-2011, 10:40 AM
Cool story bro.

Gram
03-13-2011, 10:41 AM
Ahahahaha.

ne3xchamps
03-13-2011, 11:06 AM
LEAVE HOOPS PROHPET ALONE!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc

now that is hilarious! Not this stupid thread that has no point. I wonder if hoops is a stand up comedian??... no what am I thinking, if he really was so funny he wouldn't be on PSD.

Crackadalic
03-13-2011, 11:47 AM
How they ban hoopsprophet? Thats heresy if i ever seen one.

magichatnumber9
03-13-2011, 12:06 PM
Hoopsprophet owns

ManRam
03-13-2011, 12:18 PM
A lot of people had problem with the OP from the get go, and rightfully so. There's some offensive stuff there. This definitely ran its course. Nothing really productive to talk about here.