PDA

View Full Version : Jose Bautista Facts



T.O.Bombinators
07-28-2010, 08:42 PM
I had to do this, not sure if anyone has seen them..heres a sample




* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Jose Bautista could use to hit a home run, including the room itself
* Bautista's baseball card has its own baseball card
* NASA is testing his swing as a cheaper means to launch objects into space
* My sister caught a second deck Jose Bautista two-run homer. Now she's pregnant
* The Rogers Center roof isn't actually retractable. It just knows to get the hell out of Jose Bautista's way
* Jumbotron has been replaced 63 times this year due to JoBau batting practice damage
* When asked if he could repeat the Blue Jays back-to-back success in '92-'93, Jose flexed one arm, and then the other.
* He doesn't say, "I'm on a horse." The horse says, "I'm under Jose Bautista"
* There will be more Homers in his '10 season than there is in a Full season of the Simpsons
* Eve didn't eat the forbidden apple, she contemplated a Jose Bautista trade
* An asteroid almost did collide with earth once, but Jose caught it and threw it back
* His name is Jose Bautista and Windows 7 was his idea
* You can't trade Jose Bautista, because the only fair return would be Jose Bautista
* Talks of engraving Jose's face into Mt Rushmore stopped when they realized the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard
* Jose Bautista's bat is considered Canada's first weapon of mass destruction
* Jose Bautista was not left out of the home run derby, he was hitting bombs from Toronto. They should be in Anaheim soon
* ARod is waiting to hit his 600th HR until Bautista does out of respect. Bautista told him to give it a couple of weeks

http://twitter.com/search?q=%23JoseBautistaFacts

BlueJayFanDan
07-28-2010, 08:50 PM
That is too funny lol!

North Yorker
07-28-2010, 08:53 PM
I had to do this, not sure if anyone has seen them..heres a sample

http://twitter.com/search?q=%23JoseBautistaFacts

Hahaha yesss

idrinkpepsi
07-28-2010, 08:53 PM
lmao

nithanyo
07-28-2010, 08:53 PM
haha and people want him gone??? i guess the only logical reason is Rogers is tired of replacing the jumbotron more times than home games

BIGdanielBABY
07-28-2010, 09:17 PM
Just as i read it, bautista almost hits a home run (double).


You can't trade Jose Bautista, because the only fair return would be Jose Bautista

Gibby
07-28-2010, 10:13 PM
* The Rogers Center roof isn't actually retractable. It just knows to get the hell out of Jose Bautista's way
* He doesn't say, "I'm on a horse." The horse says, "I'm under Jose Bautista"
* His name is Jose Bautista and Windows 7 was his idea
* Talks of engraving Jose's face into Mt Rushmore stopped when they realized the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard

these are my favourite ones. LMAO.

Gibby
07-28-2010, 10:19 PM
found a couple more good ones on twitter


*Myth: on the 7th day God rested. Fact: on the 7th day God signed with the Toronto Blue Jays
*Jose Bautista invented Viagra by taking ordinary tylenol and dipping them in his own sweat.

Gibby
07-28-2010, 10:36 PM
I made up a couple

"Jose Bautista doesn't tell you to look at him because you already are"
"God rested on the 7th day because he signed Jose Bautista to a contract"

im going to put these in my sig and i encourage you do put one or two jose bautista facts in your sig. lets show our support.

BigEasy1323
07-28-2010, 11:06 PM
My own:
Someone once tried to throw Jose Bautista for a loop.....but he hit that out of the park too

bomber0104
07-28-2010, 11:35 PM
"Jose Bautista once gunned himself down going for third"

idrinkpepsi
07-29-2010, 12:01 AM
"Jose Bautista once gunned himself down going for third"

:laugh2:

herritt280
07-29-2010, 12:10 AM
Jose Once Canned A Sample Of His Urine They Now Call It Red Bull

jaysfan4ever
07-29-2010, 12:13 AM
Haha, this is awesome!

wamco
07-29-2010, 12:18 AM
that's what she said. BTW, bautista invented that line. In fact, he invented lines.

bomber0104
07-29-2010, 12:22 AM
Bautista once hit one of his league leading "Barely clearing the fence" Home runs, a 5 minute delay was needed as everyone waited for the ball to land

wamco
07-29-2010, 12:27 AM
apparantly he now can not only hit rhp, but dominates them. I'm really starting to fall for this guy, I had thought he had fluke written all over him.

B-Ray
07-29-2010, 12:58 AM
Jose Bautista can stare a curveball straight.
Jose Bautista doesn't steal bases- he just takes what is rightfully his.
Jose Bautista scared the "Devil" right out of the Tampa Bay Rays' team name.
A's Outfielder Coco Crisp lives in mortal fear that Jose Bautista will come looking for him when he wants cereal for breakfast.

masTOR_shake1
07-29-2010, 01:00 AM
Jose Bautista = the secret behind how Caramilk bars are made

masTOR_shake1
07-29-2010, 01:01 AM
Jose Bautista is responsible for more runs than Montezuma's Revenge

robcat
07-29-2010, 01:09 AM
* My sister caught a second deck Jose Bautista two-run homer. Now she's pregnant

:laugh:

statquo
07-29-2010, 02:35 AM
Jose Bautista and Chuck Norris' beards did battle once. The world was destroyed. Nobody knows who won.

ChongInc.
07-29-2010, 03:45 AM
Jose bautista found Carmen Sandiego.

Manatoo
07-29-2010, 04:15 AM
Thought it would be lame after the first one, actually a few funny ones lol.

theproof
07-29-2010, 04:33 AM
I want this guy on the Giants. NOW!

bartron_44
07-29-2010, 08:40 AM
When Jose Bautista hits a bomb off you, you have a hard time not thanking him.
Jose Bautista doesn't always hit HR's, but when he does, he hits BOMBS!

R. Johnson#3
07-29-2010, 09:46 AM
When AA asked Jose Bautista to take Yunel Escobar under his wing and show him around Toronto, Jose accepted. He then took a bat and cranked Yunel with it.

boilerguy2412
07-29-2010, 09:59 AM
Chris Bosh didn't leave Toronto to win a championship, He was too affraid of Jose Bautista to stay.

BigEasy1323
07-29-2010, 10:23 AM
While being intentionally walked Bautista stepped in and crushed the 3rd pitch. When asked after the game why he responded, "I got two balls and thats all I need"

BIGdanielBABY
07-29-2010, 12:28 PM
-Jose Bautista does not have a reflection. It too is scared of Jose Bautista
-Jose Bautista got inducted into the Hall of Fame....twice
-A teammate tried to give Jose Bautista a high five...his hand exploded

T.O.Bombinators
07-29-2010, 05:51 PM
jose bautista doesnt take steroids, steroids take him (mine)

others on twitter

-Runners aren't testing Bautista's arm, they're fleeing it in terror.
-Jose Bautista makes fans do the Rick Roll
-Jays series was moved to Philly at request of G20 security. They considered Bautista's bat a matter of national security
-No longer in Jays' leadoff spot on MLB's request. Bud Selig afraid of confusing legal implications of leadoff 3-run HRs.
-The jays are stockpiling Cuban shortstops because that's what Jose eats

Madness23
07-29-2010, 06:16 PM
jose bautista doesnt take steroids, steroids take him (mine)

others on twitter

-Runners aren't testing Bautista's arm, they're fleeing it in terror.
-Jose Bautista makes fans do the Rick Roll
-Jays series was moved to Philly at request of G20 security. They considered Bautista's bat a matter of national security
-No longer in Jays' leadoff spot on MLB's request. Bud Selig afraid of confusing legal implications of leadoff 3-run HRs.
-The jays are stockpiling Cuban shortstops because that's what Jose eats

hahhahahahahahhahahahahah , good find :D

T.O.Bombinators
07-29-2010, 08:20 PM
global warming was caused by jose bautista hitting bombs that tore through the ozone layer

Abdul Mutalib
07-29-2010, 08:44 PM
"Bosh didn't want to play in a city where he'd be Bautista's shadow so he went to Miami to play with Lebron and Wade. " - I thought this one was pretty funny too.

Abdul Mutalib
07-29-2010, 08:47 PM
"With the deadline looming, Pat Riley has inquired about a trade for Jose Bautista."

Abdul Mutalib
07-29-2010, 08:51 PM
"The Mayans predict he will save the world in 2012 "
"Jose Bautista plays ping pong w/ a medicine ball."
"Jose Bautista can actually stop a bullet with his beard."
"Jose Bautista stores a spare bat in his beard in case he breaks his first one."
"Jose Bautista eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. "
"His first born is the only person actually named "son of a gun"."
"James Cameron tried to make a documentary on his life, but the budget was not affordable. Made Avatar instead."

Damn these are getting really good and creative. Nice job! Some may be Chuck Norris ones with Jose substituted.

Abdul Mutalib
07-29-2010, 09:02 PM
"The wind whispered "Bautista" in Washington last night and Strasburgs shoulder tightened up and he went on the DL."
"Tornadoes are not mother nature, they are the wind gust from Jose Bautista swinging his bat! "
"Jose Bautista is so awesome that Justin Bieber mentions him in a Tweet just to gain followers."
"Sportsnet had to create a new channel because the previous 4 couldn't all contain the power of Jose Bautista."
"Jose Bautista's paperboy in the off-season is Nick Swisher...and Bautista doesn't even tip him. "
"Jose Bautista once struck a pitcher out while at bat and then offered him 72 virgins as condolence."
" Strasburg missed his start on Monday cuz even he wanted to pitch around Bautista. "
"Theres no more 1st,2nd or 3rd base in Relationships anymore its now called Going Bautista! "A single hair from Jose Bautista's beard could cure male pattern baldness forever. "
"Jose Bautista is so strong when he tried to inject steroids the needle went "**** THAT!""
"Usher wrote the song "OMG" in inspiration of Jose Bautista."
"The MLB is now called Major League Bautista because no one is in Jose Bautistas League."
"Scientists prove there is no global warming, it was just Jose Bautista warming up his arm."

scotttube
07-30-2010, 11:11 AM
Some say it was Cito Gaston's hitting instruction and plate approach that made Jose Bautista. This is not true - it was actually Jose Bautista's hitting instruction and plate approach that made Cito Gaston.

Jose Bautista's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

FLeays
07-30-2010, 07:41 PM
"Don Valley is always congested because they're all staring at Bautista's Homers"
"Rodriguez will never get that 600th Homerun, Bautista already hit it for him"
"Yankees stadium is always full, because that's where most of Bautista's home runs land"
"Try testing Bautista for PED's? You can't the Canister melts as soon as Bautista's fluids come in contact with it"
"Yankees and Red Sox want a realignment, they want the Jays in another division so that they don't have to pitch to Bautista"
"Bulldozers are obsolete, Bautista bat doesn't even leave rubble"
"Earthquake the other day?? Bautista was just sweeping his basement a little too hard"
"Insurance premiums are going up all over the world, no one knows where Bautista's next home run will land"

FLeays
07-30-2010, 07:44 PM
Bautista bet Lebron he can hit more homeruns then his team can score, Lebron recruited Wade and Bosh and still lost.

T.O. Fan
07-30-2010, 08:46 PM
Bautista.........ah, nevermind....

the_jon
07-30-2010, 09:49 PM
If Jose Bautista hits you with a bat, you will die. If Jose Bautista misses you with the bat, the wind behind the swing will tear out your pancreas.

FLeays
07-30-2010, 11:05 PM
"Bruce Banner doesn't turn into the incredible hulk he turns into Jose Bautista now"
"This weeks lotto Jackpot: Shaking Bautista's hand"
"PS3 announced that Bautista will not be in MLB the Show they cannot calibrate him - nuff said"
"OMG will now be changed to OMB"
"Bautsita's Bat > Thor's hammer"
"The military is using Bautista's arm as a blueprint for a rail-gun"
"WikiBautista.org & YouBautista.com --> dedicated to Bautista's life"
"It is said Bautista's heart can power every city in North America for 100+ years"

nithanyo
07-31-2010, 07:32 AM
Haha this thread is jokes. I just cant seem to think of anythin good like u guys

nithanyo
07-31-2010, 07:34 AM
Jose Bautista can stare a curveball straight.
Jose Bautista doesn't steal bases- he just takes what is rightfully his.
Jose Bautista scared the "Devil" right out of the Tampa Bay Rays' team name.
A's Outfielder Coco Crisp lives in mortal fear that Jose Bautista will come looking for him when he wants cereal for breakfast.

:laugh:

scaramantula
07-31-2010, 08:19 AM
When Barry Bonds said he never used steroids he was telling the truth. He just injects himself with Bautista's blood.