
Originally Posted by
ManRamForPrez24
This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time I have been worshiping to an Tom BradyAltar that I have been crafting meticulously in my bedroom for years. Think Helga's altar of Arnold.
I gave up Christianity about 8 years ago after I had discovered His Holiness Thomas Edward Patrick Brady. I have locks of his luscious, long and perfectly conditioned hair that I will sniff - and occasionally suck on - ritualistically. I have blown up pictures of him shirtless galavanting around the beach. I purchased one of his game-used jock straps in which I incorporate into a secret ritual that involves, among other things, chewing and caressing. I have created audio of how I envision him talking dirty to Giselle and how he teaches his kid (Ben, not the bastard child John) how to ride a trike. I have sculpture, that I have molded myself out of dirt and mud gathered from Gillette Field, of him in his ultra clutch tuck rule pose (it's like the crucifix, and the Raiders dying for all our sins).
I pray to it 3 times a day; once for every Super Bowl he has won all by himself without the help of anyone else on his team because he is a god and thus the best ever. Soon to be 4 times a day...