Like us on Facebook


Follow us on Twitter





Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 78
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    30,871
    vCash
    1500

    Greetings from the Former Bishop

    Hello Blue Jays Fans!

    As the former Bishop of the Church of Dickey, I wanted to formally congratulate you on yesterday's trade. I know there is some concern about the quality of prospects Robert Allen cost you. Obviously, only time will tell which team got the better of the deal.

    In an ideal world, the Blue Jays will win this trade in the immediate future as your team is posed to go for it all in the here and now. Similarly, in an ideal world, the Mets will come out ahead in the near distant future, with their trio of prospects maturing and developing and fulfilling their potential.

    But I'm not here to prognosticate. I just want to make sure each and every one of you appreciates the man your team landed yesterday. Yes, you've read all about him. You've probably seen him pitch. Maybe some of you even read his book or saw the documentary that he was apart of.

    Even if many of you think you know Robert Allen, I still wanted you to see him through the Bishop's eyes. Robert Allen to me is much more than a baseball player or even an excellent human being. He is as close to a deity as any human being who has ever walked this earth.

    Consider: One hundred or so times a game, Robert Allen will toss a baseball into the air and then relinquish all control. The knuckleball is all about the forces of nature carrying a pitch. The person who throws it is merely a vessel. Many have tried, some have succeeded. No one has succeeded to the levels that Robert Allen has. Last year he won the NL Cy Young award, something no one could ever have imagined. He did this by out-pitching younger and stronger men with abilities to hurl a baseball upwards of 95 miles per hour across selected points of home plate when they're not making it curve, sink, or slide.

    Robert Allen? He tosses a baseball at relatively slow speeds without much idea of where the ball will wind up. He carefully holds the baseball on his fingertips so that the ball will not rotate. He knows if it takes even one turn, he might as well place it on a batting tee for the hitter for all the difference it will make.

    Once the ball leaves his hand, it's up to the gods of nature, the forces of wind and the humidity in the air to determine what happens next. That's when Robert Allen becomes an acutely aware spectator, ready to react in a split second should the ball get hit anywhere in his direction or should a nearby fielder require his assistance.

    But the hard work is done by nature, assuming Robert Allen gives nature a clean, unspinning palate to work with. Sometimes nature cooperates. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, Robert Allen doesn't deliver a clean palate.

    That's three possible scenarios and two of them will bring failure. Before he even steps on the mound, he has a 67 percent chance of doom. No wonder there have been so few successful knuckleballers.

    But Robert Allen continues to defy the odds which is why I am convinced he is the world's true savior. Certainly, he wasn't always viewed with such awe. Count me among the numerous Met fans who laughed when our former general manager signed him to a minor league deal. R.A. Dickey? Forget about his piss poor major league record! We're gonna sign a player named after the male sex organ? Let the jokes begin!

    Many of us stopped laughing when he started getting everybody out in the early spring of 2010 pitching for Buffalo in the International League. Still, the last thing this Met fan wanted to see was a knuckleballer on our staff. You can't catch them and you can't rely on them. I've been following baseball closely for more than 40 years and I had never seen a knuckleballer I really liked and i wasn't about to start with a guy named Dickey who was desperately trying to cling on to his major league career.

    But i changed my tune one Sunday afternoon in May 2010 when the Mets cable station, SNY, broadcast a Buffalo game after Mets were rained out. RA Dickey was pitching. I'd be lying if I said i caught the game from start to finish but i saw enough to be impressed.

    He gave up a lead off single and then retired the next 27 batters! That's a perfect game with a do-over! But it wasn't just the fact that no one could hit him that impressed me. It was his manner on the mound, the way he went about his business. Everyone in the park knew he was going to throw a knuckleball so he wasted no time between pitches. And nearly everything he threw was for a strike. Batters didn't have a chance or a prayer that afternoon.

    Shortly after he was brought up to the Mets and made his team debut in Washington. Although he didnt throw another do-over perfect game, he was very dominant. I was sold.

    But many of my fellow Met fans, especially those on PSD, were not. They kept pointing to his past record, said this was just another example of an unknown pitcher having success in his first start. They shouldn't be wasting time on a 35 year old journeyman, blah blah blah.

    I tried to make the case that perhaps, just perhaps, he had finally learned to master the knuckleball and that we can throw out his previous major league records. But they laughed.

    When I joked that there was something godly about Robert Allen, one of my fellow PSDers suggested I become the Bishop of the RA Dickey church. The C of D was born! In the late spring of 2010, I changed my signature to reflect the Church of Dickey. All Met fans were welcome to join. Whenever someone pledged their loyalty to RA Dickey, I added their name to my signature.

    I'm sorry i didnt take a final count when i closed the church yesterday (he's no longer a Met so i couldnt in good faith keep my position as Bishop) but i believe we had about 70 members. I had to abbreviate the names to fit everyone in. Needless to say, no one laughs at RA Dickey anymore.

    Well, there is still something worth laughing about. I keep hearing that we traded a 38-year-old pitcher who will never again pitch like he did last season. After 2010, he was a 35 year old pitcher who will never pitch that good again. Last year he was a 36 year old pitcher who will never pitch that well again. Do you see where this is headed?

    Pay no attention to his age. Deities don't end up in nursing homes. Assuming you sign him to an extension after the 2015 season, he can succeed for the Blue Jays well into his mid to late 40s.

    I say mid to late 40s because by then, he'll probably want to do something else with his life.

    At any rate, I just hope you guys enjoy him on your team as much as we did on ours.

    All the best,

    FoC
    Last edited by fanofclendennon; 01-22-2013 at 11:05 PM.
    "Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,097
    vCash
    1500
    I WANNA SEE THE RA DICKEY press conference!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    223
    vCash
    1500
    Thank you, FoC. Bless you in your travels. I look forward to find out what congregation you'll be heading next.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    St. Catharines, ON
    Posts
    15,446
    vCash
    1500
    Will the Church of Dickey live on in Toronto? Or will it instead be turned into a historical museum in New York?

    If the the deity lives on, so must the church.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    25,074
    vCash
    1500
    What on earth is this thread lol. Are you really a priest, or are you some weird bro just making an awkward religious R.A. Dickey post?

    Edit: Let it me known I was too lazy to read your whole post, so sorry if you mentioned that you aren't a priest in there, and instead just some weird Mets fan.
    TAKE PRIDE

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    30,871
    vCash
    1500
    Quote Originally Posted by Dol-Fan View Post
    Will the Church of Dickey live on in Toronto? Or will it instead be turned into a historical museum in New York?

    If the the deity lives on, so must the church.
    That, my son, is a question that can only be answered by you and your fellow Blue Jays fans. I highly recommend one of your breathren fill the post, whoever feels the calling.

    But my loyalties must remain with my team, the Mets. Doubtful I will ever see another Met as inspiring as Robert Allen.
    "Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    30,871
    vCash
    1500
    Quote Originally Posted by BlueJayFanDan View Post
    What on earth is this thread lol. Are you really a priest, or are you some weird bro just making an awkward religious R.A. Dickey post?

    Edit: Let it me known I was too lazy to read your whole post, so sorry if you mentioned that you aren't a priest in there, and instead just some weird Mets fan.
    He who is too lazy to seek the answers to his own questions has no business asking them in the first place.
    "Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order."

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    508
    vCash
    1500
    Lol, great post.

    While I do not feel the calling, I certainly am looking forward to having him pitch for us every 5th day. Going to be a fun season.

    We'll even try and stomp your cross-city rivals for you as often as we can.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Where ever the battle is
    Posts
    1,269
    vCash
    1500
    Quote Originally Posted by fanofclendennon View Post
    He who is too lazy to seek the answers to his own questions has no business asking them in the first place.
    I believe that you sir should begin a mission here in the Blue Jays forum. With your propensity to turn non-believers into faithful parishners there is no reason why you and you alone shouldn't erect a new church here, especially in the wake of the Messiah continuing his journey to the inevitable promise land- World Series Champion.

    Its OK to root for the Mets while having a place in your Heart for Toronto.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    30,871
    vCash
    1500
    Quote Originally Posted by TRIUMPHATOR View Post
    I believe that you sir should begin a mission here in the Blue Jays forum. With your propensity to turn non-believers into faithful parishners there is no reason why you and you alone shouldn't erect a new church here, especially in the wake of the Messiah continuing his journey to the inevitable promise land- World Series Champion.

    Its OK to root for the Mets while having a place in your Heart for Toronto.
    As much as I am flattered by the offer, the fact is my blood will always bleed blue and orange, for better or for worse, usually the latter.

    Hopefully one of your fellow Blue Jays fans will hear the calling to become the next Bishop of the C of D.
    "Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order."

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    30,871
    vCash
    1500
    Quote Originally Posted by Korac View Post
    Lol, great post.

    While I do not feel the calling, I certainly am looking forward to having him pitch for us every 5th day. Going to be a fun season.

    We'll even try and stomp your cross-city rivals for you as often as we can.
    THAT, sir, would be SWEET!!!!
    "Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order."

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Key Biscayne, Florida
    Posts
    9,960
    vCash
    1500
    Do you know Tim Tebow???

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    30,871
    vCash
    1500
    Quote Originally Posted by wagnall View Post
    Do you know Tim Tebow???
    There were a few very important fundamental differences between Tim Tebow's savior and the Savior worshipped by the C of D.

    But here's the most important one:

    It is impossible to see any of the miracles performed by Tim Tebow's savior without using assumptions of causation or one's imagination.

    However, all one has to do to see any of Robert Allen's miracles is to watch him pitch every 5th day, either in person or on television. That said, Robert Allen may have saved his best Met miracle for last.

    As my fellow Met PSDer Clayamtion pointed out, making the Blue Jays want him so badly that they also agreed to take Josh Thole and Mike Nikeas was sort of like turning water into wine.

    But don't despair Blue Jays fans. I am sure Robert Allen has many wonderous miracles in store for each and every one of you. And even though as a Mets fan, I'm thrilled to have d'Arnaud, I'm still jealous that Robert Allen is no longer wearing the Orange and Blue.

    Sigh.
    "Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order."

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Key Biscayne, Florida
    Posts
    9,960
    vCash
    1500
    Why did I ask......

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    30,871
    vCash
    1500
    Quote Originally Posted by wagnall View Post
    Why did I ask......
    Don't feel bad. I get that all the time.
    "Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards. His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it consistently interesting. Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order."

Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •