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Thread: best man speech

  1. #1
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    best man speech

    so my older brother is getting married in a few weeks and me and his buddy are the best men.

    I was the best man at my buddys wedding a few years back and did a good job.. but Im drawing a blank on what to say this time..

    any advice or help ?

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    No idea my friends and I aren't at this stage in our lives. However shouldn't it be personal hence forth PSD would be 0 help?

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    The advice for this is the same as the advice for anything else.

    When in doubt, whip it out.

    But in general, with a best man speech there's a few key points you always have to hit. Make sure to mention how hot the bride is, no seriously...she's like wicked hot, I'm not kidding. . . if my brother weren't hitting that, trust me I'd be right on it. (that type of thing)

    People really like racist jokes and rape jokes at weddings. A well placed rape joke at a wedding will bring the house down.
    Last edited by gcoll; 11-14-2012 at 09:50 PM.

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    This is probably the worst place you could come to, to ask about speech advice.

    S E A N....M A Y N E

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    Mine had a few childhood memories of my brother and I, joking about him getting married so someone would finally bring him beer while he plays COD (which she does), and finished it up with a bit of cheesy crap

    the usual stuff

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by gcoll View Post
    The advice for this is the same as the advice for anything else.

    When in doubt, whip it out.

    But in general, with a best man speech there's a few key points you always have to hit. Make sure to mention how hot the bride is, no seriously...she's like wicked hot, I'm not kidding. . . if my brother weren't hitting that, trust me I'd be right on it. (that type of thing)

    People really like racist jokes and rape jokes at weddings. A well placed rape joke at a wedding will bring the house down.

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    Oh...I forgot to add. Be sure to ask how many women in attendance have had abortions. By show of hands.

    When nobody raises their hand be sure to inform them that statistically speaking at least one of them has had an abortion.

    This should actually be your opener.

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    Honest answer coming from a 3 soon to be 4 best man speech (non were my brother's wedding I was relegated to usher for both).
    1. Thank both families for having everyone
    2. Comment on how great the bride looks and how you have loved to get to know her then include there are few things I look forward to in life but one is to getting to know you more and being apart of both of your lives
    3. Say how you met the groom if you aren't related
    4 say a SHORT AND I MEAN FING SHORT funny story about the groom and you being together
    5 give a short and i mean fing short toast
    6 hug the groom and sit the f down.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by behindmydesk View Post
    Honest answer coming from a 3 soon to be 4 best man speech (non were my brother's wedding I was relegated to usher for both).
    1. Thank both families for having everyone
    2. Comment on how great the bride looks and how you have loved to get to know her then include there are few things I look forward to in life but one is to getting to know you more and being apart of both of your lives
    3. Say how you met the groom if you aren't related
    4 say a SHORT AND I MEAN FING SHORT funny story about the groom and you being together
    5 give a short and i mean fing short toast
    6 hug the groom and sit the f down.
    This is good advice if you don't wanna get laid.

    But if you wanna **** all the bridesmaids (and I mean ALL OF THEM) then take my advice.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by gcoll View Post
    Oh...I forgot to add. Be sure to ask how many women in attendance have had abortions. By show of hands.

    When nobody raises their hand be sure to inform them that statistically speaking at least one of them has had an abortion.

    This should actually be your opener.
    I did this at my brother's wedding. It set the pace for the good time had by all.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by gcoll View Post
    Oh...I forgot to add. Be sure to ask how many women in attendance have had abortions. By show of hands.

    When nobody raises their hand be sure to inform them that statistically speaking at least one of them has had an abortion.

    This should actually be your opener.
    Then say it's god will....................................?

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    Quote Originally Posted by gcoll View Post
    This is good advice if you don't wanna get laid.

    But if you wanna **** all the bridesmaids (and I mean ALL OF THEM) then take my advice.
    including if a blood relative is a bridesmaid.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by behindmydesk View Post
    Then say it's god will....................................?
    Eh. You don't want to make it political. That would make people uncomfortable.

    Quote Originally Posted by behindmydesk
    including if a blood relative is a bridesmaid.
    I mean, that's up to him.

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    I'd recommend getting wasted at the reception. And I mean wasted.

    Stagger on stage and speak your mind. Say something along the lines:
    "I c-c-can't believe you..." *throw up a bit* "...I can't believe you're marrying this *****" Pass out, but not before kissing the father-in-law (on the lips)

    or

    "I got to her first!"

    or

    "I always thought you were gay"
    End each with you french-kissing the father-in-law.

    or all of em... It's not like it's your wedding.
    Last edited by Johann; 11-14-2012 at 10:12 PM.

    And by the way, those pants, they belong to my dad.And they're not really pants,
    they're Lederhosen



  15. #15
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    I will take all these ideas into consideration.. as they are all great

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