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  1. #1
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    Rangers Respond to Steroid Allegations

    Rangers Respond to Steroid Allegations


    In a recent column by sneaky TKO insider The Kid, multiple members of the Ranger's organization have been named outright in a steroid scandal. According to the report, ex-Ranger, Ramon DeLa Garza, provided anabolic steroids to various Ranger players, including star center fielder Gregory House and minor-leaguer Omar Poveda.

    This isn't the first time that the Texas ballclub has been accused of suspicious activity, with previous allegations including charges of secret cloning facilities and the hiring of illegal "aliens" (in the literal meaning of the word).

    When asked for comment on the subject, Texas GM Ronin declined to delve into the subject and only stated that:
    "The Texas Rangers have always been an honorable team. We abide by all rules present in the rule book and have not and will never break any of those laws".
    It should probably be noted that the TKO rulebook has always been vague about substance abuse, with some league executives even believing that this is intended to encourage outside "editing" of player's abilities. One GM, who asked to remain anonymous in fear of retribution from the violent league commish, even told us:
    Many folks outside of the league don't know that the commisioner himself encourages any methods that will increase player talent and ability. Heck, some GMs participate in a Russian Roulette type of game, where players are nominated to enter a "winterball" program.

    In this "winterball", the GMs all gather together for a game of backgammon. Depending on the outcome of the game, players are either secretly injected with performance enhancing substances or injured in freak accidents to ensure a decline in performance. What's worse is that league officials know about these practices, and use violence and threats in order to ensure it remains quiet.
    While we were unable to verify these claims from our league sources, the accusations definitely raise suspicions over recent increases in performance. In one instance, Washington SP Roberto Garza appeared to magically learn how to throw a knucleball, while in another, Florida star James Doakes was finally able to master a change-up that he'd been unable to throw all his life.

    Now as far as the recent claims of steroid abuse go, we were able to reach the Texas players for comment; however, their statements are less than encouraging.

    While the now retired Poveda only stated: "I don't speak English so good", the out-spoken Gregory House had a lot more to add:
    A lot of folks have been talking about me being provided with substances from my old friend Ramon [DeLa Garza]. What people can't seem to understand is that I'm a certified physician. If I were shooting up, I wouldn't get any of that cheap Dominican stuff. I'd just write myself a prescription for some quality-grade Methandrostenolone. But I would ever do anything unethical like that, I took an oath you know...
    While the allegations of steroid abuse threaten to derail the league, popularity is currently at an all-time high and some question whether any changes are needed.

    In any case, a lot more investigating needs to be done before any charges can be made, but the rumors appear to have been enough to unnerve the Texas front office; with sources indicating the team is looking to trade House in an attempt to distance themselves from any scandals.

    Chicago Bears #23
    Kyle "Cheetah" Fuller

  2. #2
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    so instead of simming you did this?

    THAT's the real scandal...

  3. #3
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    Just wait... There will be more for your allegations TK.

    And then. He made them pancakes.

  4. #4
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    lol. 9

    IDGAF

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