Favorite TV Show Quote

[todu82]

Homer Simpson:

Kids, let me tell you about another so-called ``wicked'' guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was...
I forget. But the point is... I forget that, too. Marge, you know what I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car?

-- Homer's parable of the guy in the blue car, ``Homer the Heretic''

[monkeyboy]

"Where is he going?"- Jake
"To masturbate"- Charlie

He=Alan

Two and Half Men

[Pedroia]

Jim: Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight: That's debateable. There are basically 2 schools of thought.
Jim: Fact bears eat beats.
Dwight: Oh
Jim: Bears, beats, Battle Star Galactica
Dwight: Bears do not..What is going on? What are you doing?
Dwight: You know what? Immitation is the most sincere form of flattery so I thank you.
Dwight: Identity theft is not a joke Jim. Millions of families suffer every year.
Jim: Michael!
Dwight: Oh that's funny. Michael!

[The Bradley]

Elliot: "Janitor, have you ever looked at yourself and wished that you were different in every single way?"

Janitor: "No. I'm a winner."

[Goon.Weezy]

that's what she said

[mkool65]

The best character on TV, Charlie Kelly. I couldn't pick just one:
"Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on little jobbies"

"All right, later dudes. S you in your A’s, don’t wear a C, and J all over your B’s.”

"Jackie: What is it that you do again?
Charlie: I’m a janitor- um, I’m a full-on rapist. Y’know? Um, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.
Jackie: I’m sorry. Did you say you’re a full-on rapist?
Charlie: No! Did I say that? No no no no. I help people, you know what I mean? I’m a philan- philan- philan-
Jackie: A philanthropist?
Charlie: Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. It gets blocked in my mouth, I don’t say it no good."

[FarmioFan1]

"Okay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a sausage in the mouth.

"We just call it a sausage."

[Matchstckman]

We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year, 1861. The place... Mars

[Zaunnie]

"When I said I wanted to have kids and you said you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip, snap, snip, snap, snip, snap. I did. You have no idea the physical toll that 3 vasectomies have on a person."
- Michael Scott

[natepro]

Janitor: This here's our new flagpole. Why don't you show old glory a little respect and snap off a salute?
J.D.: There's no flag up there.
Janitor: We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on backorder. What do you want me to do in the meantime? Run a pirate flag up there? Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof. Catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye patch, go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her watertight. I could take her out to sea.
J.D.: Are you insane?
Janitor: No. I'm a pirate.



Hey sport, what has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso, how ya doin'?

[redwhiteandblue]

"I am single now. What we have here, is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard-Dogg, crippling despair, loneliness & depression. I intend to win."

Andrew Bernard

Hahaha, I don't remember this exact line but that's classic. And as to not just clutter without contributing:

Charlie: Hey!
Mac and Dennis: Heyyyy Heyyooooo!
Charlie: What? What the hell are you guys doing?
Dennis: Ohhh Charlie check it out (shows Charlie the gun)
Charlie: Whoa whoa no no no that's not fun. It's not a toy.
Dennis: Oh, c'mon Charlie.
Charlie: I'm serious man. You can't be playing around with guns. First of all we need to open the bar, we just got robbed, Wang is all over my *** about the rent.
(Mac and Dennis look at eachother smiling, look back at Charlie)
Mac (smiling): Ya wanna hold it?
Charlie: No! No, I wanna open the bar is what I wanna do.
Mac and Dennis: Ohhh come onnn.. Charlie just hold it. You'll like it. Hold it for a little, c'mon you'll like it--
Charlie (grabs the gun): Fine! I'll hold it, fine yes I'll hold the gun ok? Ok good nice, very nice, this thing has a nice feel to it. Very good.... is this thing loaded?
Dennis: It can be...

BANG! BANG! BANG!

sorry it was long.

[Omar Little]

Man you guys gave some greats ones there. As I tried to think of my all time favorite line, my brain nearly exploded from be overwhelmed with so many masterpieces from shows like Arrested Development, The Office, 30 Rock, The Wire... So I'll just give one that I enjoyed from each.

The Wire
"If you come at the King, you best not miss." -Omar Little

Arrested Development
"You know, first of all, we are doing this for her. Ok? Because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And secondly, I know your the big marriage expert, Oh Im sorry, I forgot, your wife's dead!....Im sorry, that was 100% inappropriate and I do apologize perfusely." -Tobias Funke

30 Rock
Improv MC: "The audience suggestion is...Slingblade and Oprah on a date."
Liz: "Ummm, I sure do like them french fried potaters."
Jenna: "No you don't Oprah!"

The Office
"A lot of jazz cats are blind, but they can play the piano like nobodies business. Id like to put the piano in front of Pam, without her glasses, and see what happens. Id also like to see her topless." -Creed Bratton

King of the Hill
"Hey Hank, hows the weather? Oh, thats right, your blind!" -Dale Gribble

Family Guy
"Stay tuned for our special investigative report on the clitoris, “Nature’s Rubik’s Cube”. -Tom Tucker

South Park
"Boys have you seen my penis? If you see my penis, try to catch it with some cheese." -Mr.Garrison

Its Always Sunny (This one's a little condensed)
Dennis: "Lets talk about your likes and dislikes. How about your favorite food, what would that be?"
Charlie: "Milksteaks"
Dennis: "Whats your favorite hobby?"
Charlie: "Magnets"
Dennis: "What are some of your likes?"
Charlie: "Uhh, ghouls. You know those funny little green ghouls"
Dennis: "What are your dislikes?"
Charlie: "Peoples knees"
Mac: "Bro,you gotta be kidding me? Ya know what, we'll just make it all up."

[Fly-Eagles-Fly]

Entourage

"What I suggest is that you get a van with a bull horn and mega phone and announce to hollywood after 3 years of hibernating in Vincent Chase's *** Eric Murphy has come out to play-aye.'"- Ari Gold

[Fly-Eagles-Fly]

Eastbound and Down

"Hey Kleg what's the blue stuff on your face? it looks like you just blew robocop."

KENNY POWERS

lol

[Jack of Blades]

"But existing is basically all I do!" - Fry, Futurama