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Oh God, Hollyball is calling the game?

I hope it involves more comparisons between Cy Young-winning starting pitchers and Shawn Camp.

Guys, I'm at the game and Croce is trying to get me to meet him in his section, but I don't want to be murdered and buried in his basement. What do I do?!?!

Edwin is Deadwin to me

Well guys, it was fun to relive my PSD glory days. Let's do this again in another 2 years

That's why you have to treat messing with Kap like having tantric sex. You have to get as close as possible to being blocked without actually getting blocked. And then you come down from your...

What Holly doesn't not know could fill a room

Also, I'm not a part of the prestigious fraternity of Rookies of The Year like Ben Grieve, Angel Berroa, and Chris Coughlin.

Had to make a brief, triumphant return to tell you guys I've decided to chill. That's what dudes do.

*too

He's a cheaper McCarthy. I wanted B-Mac, but I'm totally cool with this.

#others is the worst hashtag in Twitter history.

Yeah what an accessible, pleasant *******!

Yeah but Zambrano is actually one of the top 100 or so best pitchers in the world. Sully is probably one of the bottom 100 worst writers in the world. And that includes illiterates.

Man, life is hard!

I love his body in ways that make my body feel...weird.

Wins or Splits in 5 of the last 6 series? I'll take it.

Maybe I'm a cynic, but I'm okay with Starlin occasionally making a mental error since, ya know, he's human. Everyone wants him to be the absolutely perfect baseball player. Well he's not. You can't...

Paul V. Howard: That's what I love about you Kap...never afraid to speak the truth !

Know who blows? Your girlfriend and her entire dumbass family who welcomed a ******** like you with open arms. THAT'S WHO BLOWS.

I think it's funny that CSN or whatever puts his name before the article to draw in readers like he's some sort of baseball savant and not some vaguely racist walking cervix.

Yeah, great story.

Ridiculous! - Kaplan (professional writer)

As bad as this game was, at least we can appreciate how great it was to see The Courier nickname back in action.

#FontyNoWanty